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Welcome to my blog!

Thank you
Posted:Feb 21, 2017 10:21 pm
Last Updated:May 15, 2017 8:52 pm
5724 Views

l just wanted to thank everyone for the amazing and wonderful words of encouragement and thoughtful responses to my posts and my story. It means so much to me. As someone who had very little self-confidence just a year ago, I feel better about myself right now than I ever have in my life. And as weird as it is to say, your comments have helped me say that. I appreciate you all.

Jen
3 Comments
Introduction
Posted:Feb 19, 2017 12:19 am
Last Updated:May 15, 2017 8:53 pm
6793 Views

So here I am. Where do I begin? My name is Jen. I am 24 years old. I live in Southern California. And just like my profile says, I am divorced. And while it is surely rare to see a divorced 24 year old, it is much better than seeing an unhappily married and abused 24 year old.

I got married at 19, not long after high school graduation. He was my high school sweetheart. I grew up as an ugly duckling. I had braces and glasses. I didn't like dresses. I acted and looked like a Tomboy. I was a loner in grade school. The kind of girl boys wouldn't give a second glance towards. I was a good student and enjoyed learning. Even though inside I was so incredibly lonely.

I didn't have a date until junior year in high school. That date turned out to be my eventual husband. He was sweet at first. I thought I was in love. It wasn't until after we got married that he turned into this jealous, vicious monster. He had to know where I was at all times. If I didn't respond to a call or text within 2 minutes he thought I was cheating on him. I would come home from work and he would smell me to see if I had another mans scent or cologne on me. It was hell.

Sexually, it started out great. He was my first everything... well, he wasn't my first kiss. That was my friend Rebecca. But that didn't really count. Anyway, we had great sexual chemistry at first. I enjoyed being with him. But then it got to where it was only about him. I had to service him. I had to give him a blowjob anytime he wanted. Now, in a Dom/sub relationship, that's fine. It's even a huge turn on. But in a marriage, where it's supposed to be equal, it's not fun at all. I wouldn't say the R word, because I could leave anytime I wanted, but there were times it certainly wasn't consensual. And I am filled with regret and shame everyday that I didn't get out sooner. I would always make excuses about my bruises, or my tears. I protected him. I don't know why. But I did. And I guess in a way, I was protecting myself. I thought that if I kept that part hidden from everyone else, I could pretend that it wasn't really happening. Denial coupled with shame, is pretty powerful.

Last year I finally left him. Such a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. And even though I know he could show up at anytime, I feel more free than I ever have. He used to tell me that I wouldn't find anyone who wanted me like he did. No one else would ever want to fuck me. He was the only one who truly loved me and ever thought of me. Well he is now shit out of luck. Here I am, looking to share my story, my fantasies, my experiences, my wishes, my love... all of me. And I don't give a fuck about him or what he did to me. He suppressed a huge part of me for so long, that now I have to let it out. That's why I chose to come here. I figured this is a safe place to tell my story, and show myself off to people who will appreciate me for who I am. A smart, intelligent, funny, somewhat pretty, sexual woman. So if you see me talking about blowjobs or golden showers, or the scars of physical and emotional abuse or the horrors of being in an abusive relationship, or if you see me posting a particularly personal picture of myself... just know that I do this because I can. For the first time in my life, I can. And I will not apologize for any of it. This is me.
19 Comments
Why start a blog?
Posted:Feb 18, 2017 2:48 pm
Last Updated:Feb 22, 2017 4:53 pm
6208 Views

I wanted to start a blog for a couple reasons. First of all, I wanted people to get to know me. The real me. The shy, reserved sweet girl on the outside with a kinky, freakish devil inside. Secondly, there are a lot of feelings and emotions that go through my head all the time. And I need an outlet for these feelings. So some of my posts might be a little intense, emotionally. Thirdly, I have many fantasies and desires. And this will be a good forum for me to express them and maybe find others who share them as well. Fourthly, it turns me on to have others (especially strangers) know my inner most thoughts and my fantasies. It's also why I don't mind putting pictures of myself up on this site. It's very intoxicating to get messages telling me how hot I am. Or how cute I am. For an ugly duckling tomboy from Southern California, surrounded by beautiful woman everywhere I go, it's a great feeling to be thought of in that way. It's definitely a new feeling. And I love hearing it.

So hopefully this will be a nice place for all that.

I hope you guys will like my blog. There are bound to be some long, deep emotional posts. But hopefully there are enough light-hearted or sexy posts to keep you interested.

Thanks

Jen
11 Comments

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