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Sometimes, i write

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When it Feels Fast
Posted:Apr 21, 2017 7:42 am
Last Updated:May 7, 2017 3:14 pm
456 Views

I have had things move “too fast” In this lifestyle. Usually it is a red flag for me:

- A Dom that tells me they intend to own me before we’ve met in person, but usually after some time exchanging messages and most of the time after a phone call.
- Men that tell me they will marry me, collar me, move me into their home and take care of everything. Expecting me to leap at that, before I have spent significant time with them.
- Those that want to start giving me assignments that restrict my interactions with others I am talking to or considering (You know, the dating to find “the one” thing?).

But I can be drawn in. The hope is there that it could be sincere. That hope makes me want to immerse myself in what might be. It is looking at the pictures of a tour of Italy and pricing the ticket. If I can see it happening, and I like what I see, I want to try.

I have rules and filters, though. Safe rules, safe calls, vetting, and lots and lots of questioning.

Typically, from first message to first phone contact would be at least a week.

First meet, depending on distance, can be months.

I need patience. Both from myself, and from someone who wants to meet me. I have a weird schedule, and a need to plan. Even if it is planning to be spontaneous. I have to have contingencies covered. I’m like the GPS on my phone. Rerouting is easy, so long as I know we’re still heading for point B.

OK, so. Something happens, and none of the stop-gaps are triggering.

I know frenzy. If I were talking to a friend on either side of the slash, I’d check for signs of frenzy. I’d try to spot the flags, to look for the golden apples that could be distracting me.

Crap, there are not any golden apples around here.

WTF? I’m pragmatic! Where are the brakes?


To paraphrase something I have written before: ”My --usually VERY vigilant-- pragmatic side is pretty much laying back on the couch with a popsicle, waving at me, and saying ‘Nah. You're good!’”

Ok, so we have our list, our What I want. (referring to the partnership I described as my "Ideal person")

Oh heck! There is someone that not only read that list, but gets it and actually gives it value. They don’t ignore the part about breaking promises. They don’t give me tasks without reward… There’s no thought in the back of my head saying “Did they read that and decide to do the opposite, just because they think they need to be an ass to be a Dom?”

So, it is fast, but inside, in the gut, it is OK.

So, how do they see it? I think I would be more concerned if they did not think it was fast. It is difficult to express that. What worries me is that the fact that it is fast, could be stunning one or both of us enough that we don’t get to go anywhere.

So yeah, there are not any brakes on this particular ride. But if I look over, are they yelling “Whhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!” too?

Then comes the question about whether we throw up our hands or brace ourselves.

OK, take a breath, step back, find footing, stick to first meeting rules, and safe call.

What? Still no brakes?

OK, then maybe, just maybe this is going to be a good ride.

I got my passport about 3 years ago, maybe it is time to book that trip. If it falls through, it is not meant to be.
6 Comments
Then Came The Personal Massager
Posted:Apr 5, 2017 8:19 am
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2017 8:05 pm
665 Views
My friend just sent me this in a text, Telling me he needed to get me a straight jacket and room at the asylum ASAP.



6 Comments
Viewed Me
Posted:Nov 23, 2016 9:52 am
Last Updated:Mar 19, 2017 9:35 am
3299 Views

Goodness. It is pretty nice to see all these people showing an interest! Woohoo! That "Viewed Me" flag makes it look like all these guys are drawn over and over to my profile.

*sigh* How dreamy and esteem-boosting is that?

Then I look at the list of profiles Alt says I viewed.

Ouch.

The slight inflation to the ego has been negated.

realizing that when a mouse passes your profile within an eighth of the screen, you are viewed, it is a healthy dose of humility.

Fooey. Can I get less humility this week?
6 Comments
THIS just happened:
Posted:Aug 9, 2016 7:12 pm
Last Updated:Dec 12, 2016 8:28 am
11381 Views

WARNING- Possible trigger in the initial message.


This was on a different site.

[Handle actually has "Romance" in it] on 8/9/16 at 8:30 PM:
"Just imagine coming home...and finding me waiting for you. Before you can even cry out, a strong hand over that pretty mouth. Then a gag in it. I kick the door closed as I force your hands behind your back and tie them. Much better. Then I'm going to start slowly forcing you towards your bedroom. I'm going go take my time. I want to see it in your pretty eyes when you realize you're about to be r*p*d.... Yeah; a little dramatic as an introduction, but you could use a little drama in your life! I also do great in a relationship! P---"

My Reply:

"Good thing that did not trigger a panic attack. Not a way to introduce yourself to a stranger when you have no idea how they'd react to a r*p* scenario."

And then i get:

"Whatever, fatty. Get a job... "

Really. I'd dig into it, but yeah. I'm on my way to work.
7 Comments
Random thought from last week. (Redux)
Posted:Aug 2, 2016 7:02 pm
Last Updated:Nov 23, 2016 9:37 am
11089 Views

This did not show up in the blog pages before, i am trying again, just to see if it works.

nope.

When I am in my 70's and 80's, I look forward to being the sweet gray-haired old lady in the car next to you at the traffic light.

At first, you'll think I am having a really animated conversation with myself because there is no one else in my car. You'll chuckle, thinking the old lady is a bit off-kilter.

Then all of a sudden, I'll start thrashing.

You'll start to roll down your window with concern. But then you'll understand it is all fine.
.
.
.
Because:
.
.
.
Bohemian Rhapsody
1 comment
Enter: A Sensualist
Posted:May 13, 2016 11:48 am
Last Updated:Jul 31, 2016 9:15 am
16054 Views

curtain up:

A sensualist
loving to feel,
to glide along the waves of experience.
Tangible air,
tangible sound,
caressed by light and dark,
and sustained by scent.
Naked, soft, strong,
looking around, exploring,
absorbing all,
tasting,
touching,
smelling,
rubbing silk/cotton/leather against skin.
shivering on her own,
finding feelings,
and greedily absorbing them.


Enter Control:

Smiling,
seeing the raw energy,
the flush of pleasure at each new sensation.
Knowing it is time to teach.
A spoken word,
deep,
strong
reaching in and wrapping around her heart,
making her tingle and melt from sound alone.
All senses focused on His presence.
Dropping,
crawling,
stopping,
sitting up,
softly opening,
offering all,
smiling and inviting Control.
Voice first,
taking hearing,
taking speech
asking for answers,
service,
consent,
pleasure,
and accepting truth
next: touch,
stroking,
enjoying,
strumming her nerves with the lightest of caresses…
feeling,
gauging her response.
eyes locking hers to His,
sparks connecting,
her breath slowing..

"It's time"
"oh please, yes Master"

Silk scarf, shutting out light,
velvet dark filling sight.
she sighs, sinking into the darkness…
skin feeling the air for Him,
listening, hearing only breath,
hers? His?
both.
Strong leather around wrists
ankles extending
body guided into place.
no more to choose the input…
now it is to be given..
selected…
measured…
tormenting.
one feeling at a time,
sharp.
smooth,
warm,
cold,
all of His choosing,
all guiding her thirst.
Trembling,
coursing,
energy channeled into the finest pinpoint
power capping it with sharp pressure,
letting it build
not letting it explode.
her senses reeling,
soaring,
grasping for threads…
cries,
whimpers
wanting
needing
begging.
He sees her,
hears the music of her cries,
playing the instrument of her surrender,
drawing moans,
plucking cries,
breathing sighs.
building to her crescendo.

He pauses,
taking away her input and watching her struggle.
waiting,
watching to see if she can.

she can

she surrenders to complete Control,
letting Him hold her on the edge
vibrating in the
one
long
high-wire
note
that holds the chord unfinished.
Her skin reaches out,
eyes straining into velvet dark
feeling His satisfaction,
knowing His pleasure,
waiting His word.
lying atop her,
removing the dark,
her eyes focusing on His smile,
He speaks,
a pinprick in the bubble's edge,
He touches,
filling,
stretching,
stroking,
rending the opening,
allowing release.
Feeling,
seeing,
hearing,
tasting only Him…
she soars.


stage out,
house up,
done.



--------------------------
This was written many years ago, when i had had my eyes opened to wiiwd.
0 Comments
Please Don't Call Me Beautiful
Posted:Apr 26, 2016 11:31 pm
Last Updated:Mar 19, 2017 9:37 am
16367 Views

“You look beautiful!”
“Thank you, I dressed up/put on makeup/did my hair”

“Beautiful picture!”
“Thank you, it was a wonderful moment/story/experience”
.
“You’re beautiful”
Based on?
.
Please don’t call me beautiful
If you have not really seen me.
Or if you have not seen me red-faced and splotchy from exertion, but still smiling
Or if you have not seen me unplucked, unpolished
Dressed in a holey comfy shirt
Maybe with pants, maybe not
With eyebrows so light they are unseen.

Do not call me beautiful
If you have not heard my breath catch
With fear
With shock
With pain
With joy
With desire

Do not call me beautiful
If you have not witnessed me rendered speechless
Or if you don’t know why that is something remarkable
Or if you have not read my writing and wondered more
Or if you have not seen me clap my hands over my mouth to stop an outburst
While my eyes give me away

Do not call me beautiful
If you have not seen me smile at someone just because we made eye contact
Or if you have not sensed how I light up if I have made you laugh
Or if you have not spent time wallowing in my thought process
Enjoying how my mind works
Even if we disagree
Or if you have not seen me handle a difficult person or situation.
Whether it is successful handling or not.
Or if you have not said “Here comes sanita, its on!” and grabbed a figurative bowl of popcorn

Do not call me beautiful
If you have not sincerely thought of me as kind
Or if you have not watched me hold my ground
Or if you have not witnessed how I handle setbacks
Or if you think I do not feel pain, even if I stay on my feet
Or if you don’t know how much I cherish my mom.
Or if you don’t know why
.
When you have truly seen me
When you have felt me
When you know who I am
When you have understood me
When you have accepted me and my flaws
When you know there is more to know about me
If you call me beautiful
I will appreciate it
It will be deep
I will believe it.
I will feel it.
“Thank you”


--sanita 4/27/16
3 Comments

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