Illuminations: Anal Pleasure - It hurts so good!

When people talk about anal sex, most are thinking about anal intercourse. Many people do not realize that anal intercourse is only a very small part of the potential activities people indulge in to experience anal pleasure. There is anal finger sex, which refers to the insertion of fingers into the anus, and up into the rectum. There is rimming... which is a term used to describe oral and anal contact such as licking or sucking. Still others enjoy the intense anal sensation with the insertion of toys made especially for insertion into the anus and rectum known as butt plugs. In the same line with butt plugs some enjoy the insertion of vibrating dildos into the anus and rectum, male and female alike.

Anal play is a very popular activity many BDSMers, and vanilla people alike indulge in. Those who enjoy anal pleasure tell of how their orgasms are so much more intense with anal stimulation, versus without it. Dominants are attracted to anal play for a variety of reasons, the least of which being the submissive position their partner is in to receive their cocks, or other toy of choice into their little rosebud. There is however a very powerful taboo about the anus and rectum. Most are brought up to think of their hiney as a very dirty place and not someplace to be touched any more than necessary to carry out its bodily purpose. For many people, the anal taboo is a powerful one, too powerful to be able to easily conquer and learn to enjoy.

The physiology of the anus and rectum is not something many people take the time to learn about out of idle curiosity. It just isn’t a part of the body many people take enough interest in to figure out. I feel it is important to understand the anal cavity so that you can understand what happens inside the human body when this special kind of penetration takes place. So, first of all I would like to talk you through a brief overview of the anal cavity (just so ya know what we are talking about here). Going from the outside in, you have the external anal sphincter which leads into the anal canal which is actually very short, only about an inch in length. Just past the short anal canal you have the internal sphincter. The external sphincter can be relaxed pretty easily with a deliberate effort to do so, it is the internal sphincter that does not relax as easily. The external and internal sphincters are linked very closely together, and are connected to the pc muscle (pubococcygeus). I will discuss the importance of this muscle shortly. Next up into the anal cavity is the rectum, which is anchored by a group of muscles called the puborectal sling, which functions to support the rectum and other closely linked structures. It is the primary source of support for the rectum, and is responsible for the ability to hold back the urge to have a bowel movement even when we need to.

The rectum is not a storage area for feces. Feces rarely move into the rectal cavity without the urge to have a bowel movement presenting itself. However, many people, are afraid of anal sex because of the possibility that they will get the cock or toy... "dirty". This is a very embarrassing possibility which may add to the anxiety one has about trying anal sex, male or female. It is important that the person who will be the receiver is able to voice their feelings about this. They need to be reassured that they will be fully accepted during the act of anal play in whatever form it takes. A good diet that includes a variety of fibers from fruits, vegetables, and whole grains will help the bowels to move easier and elimination will be more complete. If however you want to be sure that all the feces is eliminated prior to play, there is always an enema which some find an erotic encounter in and of itself.

When you are inserting anything into the anus beyond an inch, you will extend into the rectum. It is important to keep in mind that the rectum is not a straight tube, and it is shaped differently in every person. Much of the pain that people feel when they are entered anally is often times due to bad angle of the inserted object, be it a butt plug, finger, or cock. With a little gentle exploration you can learn which position best enhances your ability to be penetrated successfully, and without pain. Gently try probing with your finger, feel how your body responds as you push past the short anal canal, internal sphincter and into the rectum. This is where many people remain tense, and unable to relax. The pressure you will feel from being entered like this will slightly mimic the need to have a bowel movement, but you need to understand it is simply the tightening of your body to naturally protect the internal orifice. It is spasming, and trying to keep the probing object out. The urge you feel when you need to have a bowel movement, is the sensation of the internal sphincter relaxing and letting the feces pass from your bowel into the rectal cavity for elimination, again, the pressure that you feel when being entered anally mimics this sensation, and is why you may feel as if you are about to have a bowel movement.

Enjoying anal penetration, and play is not something that people are born knowing how to do. It takes time, patience and a willingness to work towards being able to enjoy anal pleasures... whatever form it may take. One thing that is essential for you to understand is that being tense when being touched in or around the anus will prevent you from having any pleasure at all most the time. Anxiety about anal play is one thing that makes those who are unfamiliar with it, or have doubts about it very tense. You need to talk to your partner, read about other peoples experiences with anal play and begin to educate yourself. One thing I find myself reminding people of every day is that knowledge is power no matter what the topic is. Educate yourself and take control of your ability to experiment with anal play and find its hidden pleasures.

Beginning penetration of a virginal anus is not something that can be rushed through. There will need to be plenty of time to touch and explore, probe and relax, advancing slowly as the discomfort subsides. There will be discomfort at first, but there should not be any excruciating pain involved. The discomfort comes from the slight stretching of tissues which are not used to the intrusion. This is natural. Most women experienced pain when having vaginal intercourse for the first time, and many continued to experience discomfort the next several times, but they didn’t stop. Anal penetration is the same way, the tissues simply need time to become accustomed to the sensations. Start slowly, probe gently. Let it be an intimate encounter and learning experience. Many submissives find it easier to relax and enjoy anal exploration if they have assurances that touching will not automatically lead to anal intercourse. Allow him or her the time to simply feel the gentle touch of your fingers, or tongue... introduce them to the sensations slowly letting them feel first hand how rich and sexually rewarding it can be without the threat of taking something big into the anus the first few times. Slowly, and deliberately let experience with the sensations addict them, and provoke them to beg for more.

The external anal sphincter is a rich gathering of nerve endings for both men and women. Some report spontaneous orgasms without genital manipulation at all, only with anal penetration. For women the rectal area shares a wall with the vagina. Stimulation of the anus also subsequently provides some vaginal stimulation from the pressure. For men, the prostate gland lies inside the rectum and the insertion of a finger, cock, or toy massages this area and can produce ejaculation without an orgasm, referred to as milking. The stimulation however of the prostate is a very intense one for most men and it does often times lead to very power orgasms.

I would like to discuss the pc muscle for a moment. This is the muscle that we control when we do kegal exercises. If you don’t know what kegals are and have no clue what I am talking about, the next time you pee, man or woman, start and stop the flow of urine during urination... the muscles you use to do that are the pc muscles. The pc muscle is a major player in rectal control as well as orgasm in both men and women. Tense pc muscles, can make the entire rectum, and for that matter genital area tense which can interfere with your ability to enjoy anal stimulation, and even prevent or make difficult orgasm. There is more than one good reason to do your kegal exercises everyday, like good boys and girls... Better orgasms! To strengthen your pc muscle you contract and hold for a 5-10 count, then relax briefly before doing it again. Do it daily in repetitions of 20 while sitting at your desk, or driving down the road in your car, no one has to know a thing. Both men and women will find that as their pc muscle becomes stronger, the ability to have orgasms will increase and they will be more powerful. And ladies keep in mind please... with healthy pc muscles you can contract your pussy around a nice hard cock and drive him insane!!

Another very important aspect of promoting pleasurable anal penetration/play is that of lubrication... this can not be under emphasized. Unlike the vagina which produces its own fluids which enhance sexual intercourse, the anal canal produces only small amounts of mucus. For this reason an added lubricant is essential. In this day and age of safe sex, and the increase in condom usage, it is very important that you find a water based lubricant. There are many out there to choose from and the Sex Store on Bondage.com has a good selection of good water based lubricants. Remember that any kind of oil-based lubricant will break down the tissues condoms are made of, and render them as ineffective barriers. Also, keep in mind that the lubrication you use while penetrating your submissive anally is quickly absorbed in the anal and rectal tract so frequent generous re-lubrication is essential.

In the modern world of BDSM where the check lists abound as a way of estimating and analyzing a match with a potential partner it is rare that the urge for anal sex creep up out of the blue and surprise us. Anal sex is a very powerful form of play for D/s couples. By its very nature it is suggestive and representative of submission. I have talked to more than one dominant male that rated his desire for anal sex equal to or even slightly greater than his desire for vaginal intercourse. When I asked why, I got a variety of answers. The slight painfulness that some perceive a submissive experiencing when accepting a cock or toys into the rectum is arousing... accepting and even being aroused by the painfulness of his pleasure in such a way is a powerful expression of submission for some Dominants. One submissive woman said to me that nothing makes her feel more submissive than being impaled by her Masters cock deep into the forbidden orifice. She described orgasms that were all consuming for the time the spasms were riveting throughout her body. Every submissive I talked to who claimed to adore the feeling of anal penetration stated to me that it was a process of learning, and allowing their body to adjust to the sensations before they were able to find real pleasure in this form of play.

Anal training is another idea which is used by individuals who wish to promote their ability to enjoy anal pleasure. It is also, in a D/s situation often used to prepare the submissives little rosebud for deeper more complete penetration. Anal training involves insertion of small objects, in the form of butt plugs, vibrators, or dildos into the anal orifice. It causes a slight stretching allowing for the graduation of the size of the object slowly and over time. Butt plugs for this purpose are built differently than the standard dildo for vaginal entry. They are narrower at the tip, and become narrow at the base so that the external sphincter can close around the plug, holding it in place. Another benefit of the butt plug is the flange at the base. This is a flared area that prevents the rectum from sucking the plug up inside where it could become irretrievable without the help of your local, and friendly emergency room staff... not a fun idea.

The first time may not be successful. You may have to stop long before you want or desire to. Pain should not be a constant factor in anal penetration. If your partner is feeling pain, stop and let her body adjust to the feeling of you in her then advance slowly when she is ready. Anal penetration is not something that can be done roughly, safely... time, patience, and lubrication are essential factors...