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aliljaded 53F
23957 posts
12/12/2018 7:11 am
ORGASM CONTROL vs DENIAL

I define Orgasm Control as part of a D/s agreement where the sub/bottom agrees to seek permission before an orgasm and if yes, to cum as directed by the Dominant/Top. I separate control from denial at the “no,” specifically at the length of time. To simplify it, let’s break control into short term and long term as Denial. There are many reasons to use edge and denial (short term) control regimes with a sub/bottom –too many to delve into here.

Before you give consent to either orgasm control or orgasm denial, DEFINE the length of time for your understanding.

The example given for denial was in the 45-day range. I’ll use that as a kind time frame reference.

Okay, so let’s talk Orgasm Denial. Some may be seeking the lack of sexual desire or pleasure. I assume that’s self-explanatory. But, in my experience, most Denial involves edging, usually repeatedly. The edged state is the state the parties involved are seeking.

Okay folks, time to get nerdy. Both edged denial and orgasm involve lots of brain chemistry and hormones. Now some of us have more complicated chemistry and hormones like being trans, pregnant, menopausal, prostate treatments, or any numerous endocrine issues, which will require additional thought on the part of those involved – well beyond what scraps of info I have to offer up.

Some of us humans have brains that just work better when inundated with higher levels of some of these chemicals and hormones. So we manage that with all kinds of things – pain, pleasure, food, thrill-seeking, exercise, etc. Some brains actually function more to its owner’s liking when living in a state of Edged Orgasm Denial in a D/s context. But make no mistake, that state is an altered one. It is different from their baseline. [ Before anyone loses their shit, neither the term altered nor different means “bad.” ]

In the end, Edged Orgasm Denial is a kind of self-regulation, like maintenance spankings (pain). Both require responsible, knowledgeable Dominants/Tops and consent from the subs/bottoms

I have one caveat that I’ll put out here. There is a difference between consent and informed consent. In medicine, informed consent means all other options are presented as well as all the risks of the preferred one. So in this case, if you’re looking to try to self regulate through long-term Edged Orgasm Denial, I will tell you if it were me, or someone I loved, I would seek out a kink-aware professional to learn all of the other options and any personal risks of long-term Edged Orgasm Denial.

There ARE inherent risks with long-term Edged Orgasm Denial. Specifically, the rebound effect when orgasm, ruined or otherwise, occurs. Many self report serious depressive episodes. So D-types, SSC requires you are prepared to deal with all effects, side effects, and risks before, during and after edges and orgasms in this kind of denial.

Now we all know shit happens and goes wrong in D/s. Life happens, bodies change, whatever it may be, there is a way to deal with it within the dynamic.

S-types are responsible for communicating needs to their D-type. D-types are responsible for providing for those needs. So in the context of Edged Orgasm Denial, when “something” goes wrong during the edge/denial regime, first decide if a meta talk can attempt to solve the issue or if you NEED to safeword and cum. Edged Orgasm Denial is not some extra special D/s thing. Safeword rules apply! As in, the safeword is used, then everything stops (in this case edge and denial) and aftercare is instituted after immediate health and safety have been assessed. Later, at an appropriate time, debrief and plan a way forward either with or without Edged Orgasm Denial.

I have deliberately chosen to only focus on the physiology and none of the emotional, relationship, or D/s reasons, motivations, or consequences. That doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

As in everything I type out here, this just my two cents on the topic. And you can take it for what it’s worth to you or leave it.

My only request is that you do not be so presumptuous as to assign negative motives or evil intent to me or my words if you find them deficient, clueless, or poorly chosen.

I can assure you, I am well aware of my privileged and blessed state if living. But publicly shaming me for my ignorance or ham-handed attempts at communicating does nothing to further my growth, equality, or the conversation.

~submissive-seeking.


"Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”


brandygirasol 54T
9369 posts
12/14/2018 7:33 am

Me locked in chastity coupled with edging at the hands of a sadistic DOM drives me BANANAS


CawintShard 68M

12/13/2018 6:24 am

Again, it all comes down to safety, trust and understanding. What you say is a bit complex simply because the subject is a complex one. And you have really thought this out I can see. It is important to you and I love that you share your words here. Orgasm Control and/or denial is a learned thing and I think one must develop a taste for it. The process can be challenging. Sort of like texting, you never know the intent or posture behind the words. You have to know the other person.

I like what you said about "negative motives or evil intent." It is so easy for an unsavory dominant to exploit and cause psychological hurt to the submissive. That goes for "publicly shaming" as well. If a Dominant wants to shame or humiliate her even if she enjoys humiliation, he walks a fine and narrow line.

I like this post, but I had to read it a few times!


Knottyash73 55M
31 posts
12/12/2018 10:50 am

In my experience both orgasm denial and edging and forced orgasm can both leave my sub in a heightened state of sensitivity. I include it as a part of daily sessions . In the case of edging and denial , I generally allow my sub to cum as a reward for her willingness to obey my command not to cum until I say. With forced orgasm this I do over a day long session. My sub is continually made to cum maybe for up to 30 or 45 minutes. This is exhausting . I let her rest and maybe an hour later recommence . The rest in between she wears a knotted rope making sure the rope and knots is resting on her clit therefore continually keeping her clit hyper sensitive. This is also used during orgasm denial and edging. Either activity results in a clit and pussy so sensitive that the nearest rub on the rope sends her crazy. This always is consensual and my sub has always relished it even though a day long session can prove demanding. An added twist comes if we go out during the day. Rope in place can leave her flushed and breathless as she strains to keep her feelings hidden from the public.


hermang67 56M
830 posts
12/12/2018 8:54 am

Denial with out edging is simply abstinence


slaveforyou365 63M  
4488 posts
12/12/2018 7:42 am


Longest time I was in chastity two months.

Slave rick


aliljaded replies on 12/12/2018 8:22 am:
Thanks for sharing that, Rick.

Happy Holodaze!~
M~

aliljaded 53F
8847 posts
12/12/2018 7:18 am

Please take what you need and leave the rest. I thought this piece was very informative and useful.

"Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”



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