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arero 62 M
22 Articles
Score 0.0
Bangkok   4/13/2019

[image]


0 Comments, 2 Views, 0 Votes
arero 62 M
22 Articles
Score 0.0
Reluctant   2/27/2019

She was a bit reluctant to marry him. He'd been married before, more than once, and she told him "I don't know. I heard you treat your women badly." "Oh, that's just old wives tales."


1 Comments, 11 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
arero 62 M
22 Articles
Score 0.0
Million dollar picture   2/15/2019

A man got a from his lawyer saying there was good news and bad news. Of course he wanted the good news first. "Your wife just found a picture that's worth a million dollars!" "Wow, that's great. Oh, by the way, what's the bad news?" "It's a picture of you and your secretary."


2 Comments, 16 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
arero 62 M
22 Articles
Score 0.0
Trouble   2/9/2019

Why is it that whatever I say I seem to get in trouble? When she wakes up after a particularly good nights sleep and says she feels like a new woman I get in trouble for agreeing with her - all I said was "Yeah, me too." When she's had a bad day and says she feels old and fat and ugly and I try to reassure her I get in trouble - all I said was "You're not old, dear." ...


0 Comments, 11 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
arero 62 M
22 Articles
Score 0.0
The Irish Genie   2/2/2019

The bar was kind of quiet when the Irishman walked in, so he took a stool and asked for a beer. The barman poured one and told him the price. “Ah, well now, you see I've actually got no on me the moment.” Barman is a bit pissed off by this news. He sees his fair share of bludgers and he has no time for them. “Well, we don't give credit, if that's what you're thinking.” ...


0 Comments, 21 Views, 0 Votes
fenix45322 65 M
17 Articles
Score 0.0
I want 69!   1/20/2019

An aged Chinese man owned several oriental restaurants in a large city and was very well off. While visiting one of the restaurants, he was quite taken with a new 20 year old waitress. He asked her to join him for dinner and was even more impressed by her manners and her respect of her elders. He ended up entertaining her often and finally proposed. The young woman was impressed with his bank ...


2 Comments, 24 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
arero 62 M
22 Articles
Score 0.0
Salesman   1/14/2019

An Aussie got a job as a salesman at a huge department store in Los Angeles, the kind of place that sells everything imaginable. Because it was just a trial position, his boss asked at the end of the first day how many sales he'd made. <br><br> Just one. <br><br> Only one sale? How much was it for? <br><br> $382, 571.65. <br><br> Oh, well, ...


1 Comments, 23 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
meki871987 31 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
I always laugth on this   1/9/2019

This reminds me, when i was tied up by the first time, and suddenly I had to go to the bathroom, but I couldn't


6 Comments, 87 Views, 11 Votes ,5.60 Score
arero 62 M
22 Articles
Score 0.0
Sexual Outlet   1/6/2019

[image]


3 Comments, 35 Views, 10 Votes ,4.98 Score
arero 62 M
22 Articles
Score 0.0
Shark Attack   12/23/2018

A new Australian was a bit dubious about swimming at Bondi beach because of his fear of shark attack. His mates assured him that it was relatively safe, there were very few sharks around and that he would be very unlucky to get attacked there. To which he replied, "Yes, can you tell me please, are there any beaches where I would be lucky to get attacked by a shark?"


0 Comments, 19 Views, 1 Votes
arero 62 M
22 Articles
Score 0.0
Social Intercourse   12/23/2018

Is social intercourse like social drinking? You only do it at parties?


0 Comments, 2 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
arero 62 M
22 Articles
Score 0.0
Oops   12/16/2018

[image]


5 Comments, 60 Views, 13 Votes ,2.98 Score
arero 62 M
22 Articles
Score 0.0
Yes or No?   12/16/2018

When I asked if she's into BDSM she slapped me. Was that a yes or a no?


1 Comments, 9 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
arero 62 M
22 Articles
Score 0.0
Doggy Style   12/11/2018

Little Johnny is out for a walk with his Mum when he spies two dogs mating in the park. "Mummy, Mummy, what are they doing?" "They're making puppies darling." Well, Johnny gets led away but keeps on looking back, utterly fascinated. Probably he was expecting a puppy to pop out any second. <br><br> Later that night Johnny can't sleep and wanders into his ...


0 Comments, 25 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
arero 62 M
22 Articles
Score 0.0
A Small Penis   11/22/2018

I met my new girlfriend online. She's from Thailand. She says having a small penis doesn't matter at all. I know, intellectually, that she's right. But still, I can't help wishing that she didn't have it.


2 Comments, 29 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
arero 62 M
22 Articles
Score 0.0
Lesbian Dinosaur   9/11/2018

Lickalotapus


1 Comments, 21 Views, 9 Votes ,2.57 Score
arero 62 M
22 Articles
Score 0.0
Inconceivable   8/19/2018

A woman will not become pregnant if she is inconceivable or impregnable, nor if she is insurmountable and inscrutable.


1 Comments, 26 Views, 9 Votes ,0.22 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Tattoo   7/30/2018

A very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady recognizes him as a basketball player. They start to talk, and eventually, go back to his place. They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK. 'What's that?' the lady questions. 'Oh, I have this so that when I'm on TV, people will see my tattoo, and Reebok pays me.' ...


3 Comments, 55 Views, 11 Votes ,3.92 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Get well soon!   7/27/2018

A traffic cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. <br><br> Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at ...


4 Comments, 72 Views, 12 Votes ,4.39 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Prostitute Files Her Tax Return   7/27/2018

A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. <br><br> The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, and then asks, "What is your occupation?" The woman replies, "I'm a whore." The accountant balks and says, "No, no, ...


6 Comments, 81 Views, 13 Votes ,4.65 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Born When?   7/24/2018

I was chatting to this girl in the pub last night and told her of my uncanny ability to be able to tell the day any woman was born, simply by holding their breasts in my hands. <br><br> She thought I was having her on but was nonetheless very curious. <br><br> Eventually curiosity got the better of her and she said “Oh go-on then, give it a go!” <br><br> I ...


0 Comments, 41 Views, 7 Votes ,2.53 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
The Silent Treatment   7/23/2018

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00am for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00am" and left it where he knew she would find ...


1 Comments, 30 Views, 7 Votes ,3.04 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Confession   7/20/2018

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession. <br><br> When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, The man said: 'Father ... During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.' ...


0 Comments, 30 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Getting The Most Out Of Counselling   7/15/2018

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counselling. They had been at each other's throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counsellor's office, the counsellor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be ...


0 Comments, 26 Views, 8 Votes ,2.32 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
The King And The Counts   7/15/2018

A King ordered the heads of several of his counts chopped off because they refused to reveal where they had buried their treasures. As the axes began to fall, one count decided to change his mind, but it was too late. Moral: Don't hatchet your counts before they chicken. !"


0 Comments, 17 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
SoliceFun 35 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
Small get together   7/12/2018

Son: There will be a small gathering in the school tomorrow. Please come. Dad: What do you mean? Who will be there? Son: Only you, me, and the school principal.


2 Comments, 106 Views, 10 Votes ,3.58 Score
evansjih 30 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
All idiot   7/12/2018

Teacher: All idiots stand up. A boy stands up. Teacher: So you are an idiot? Boy: No. I can’t bear your standing alone Sir.


5 Comments, 88 Views, 9 Votes ,4.92 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
THE HORTH WITHPERER   7/12/2018

Bob calls his buddy Sam, the horse rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse. Sam asks "How will I recognize him?" "That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment." So, the midget shows up, and Sam asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse. "A female horth." So he shows him a prized filly. "Nith ...


1 Comments, 26 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
The Golfer and the Leprechaun.   7/12/2018

An American golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him. "Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked. "I'm afraid I hit you ...


0 Comments, 23 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
My First Time   7/9/2018

It was my first time ever And I'll never forget I'd do it again Without a single regret. <br><br> The sky was dark The moon was high We were all alone Just she and I. <br><br> Her hair was soft Her eyes were blue I knew just what She wanted to do. <br><br> Her skin so soft Her legs so fine I ran my fingers Down her spine. <br><br> I ...


1 Comments, 20 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Blonde Painting   7/9/2018

One day a blonde comes out of the tanning salon. She wants to make some money so she goes to one of the rich neighborhoods. She rings the door bell and says, "HI, is there anything I could do for your house or you???" <br><br> The man thinks and says, "Sure, can paint my porch. You will find all the stuff in the garage." <br><br> The girl says, ...


0 Comments, 22 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
A Drunk   6/28/2018

A drunk walks out of a bar with akey in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, 'Can I help you Sir?' 'Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr', the man replies. The cop asks, 'Where was your car the last time you saw it?' 'It wasss on the end of thisshh key', the man replies. About that time the cop looks down ...


0 Comments, 27 Views, 8 Votes ,4.87 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Organist   6/28/2018

A small church had a very attractive big- busted organist and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. <br><br> Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. <br><br> <br><br> So, one ...


2 Comments, 32 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Finally a sensitive man   6/12/2018

A woman meets a good-looking man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There ! are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the ...


0 Comments, 36 Views, 10 Votes ,5.77 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
"I’ve outlived my dick." A Poem - by Willie Nelson   6/6/2018

My nookie days are over, My pilot light is out. What used to be my pride and joy, Is now my water spout. <br><br> Time was when, on its own accord, From my trousers it would spring. But now I've got a full time job, To find the friggin thing. <br><br> It used to be embarrassing, The way it would behave. For every single morning, It would stand and watch me shave. ...


0 Comments, 19 Views, 7 Votes ,6.10 Score
Jag_60 60 M
84 Articles
Score 0.0
Jimmy   6/5/2018

Paul arrived home and was greeted by his fourteen year old son Jimmy. Guess what dad I fucked Grandma today. What you fucked my mother Paul shouted in disbelief. Jimmy responded why not you fuck mine.


0 Comments, 24 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Senior Surgery   6/4/2018

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. 'Yes, dad, what is it?' 'Don't be nervous, son; Do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with ...


0 Comments, 27 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
AN OVERWEIGHT BLONDE   6/4/2018

An overweight blonde went to see her doctor for some advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds. <br><br> The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the whole twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for ...


0 Comments, 30 Views, 11 Votes ,3.92 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Honesty   6/4/2018

A girl says to her mother "I know where babies come from Mummy. Sarah told me." Her mother replied "And where is that, dear?" The girl says "She said that you put Daddy's thing in your mouth, and stuff comes out, and goes in your belly and that's where babies grow." Her mother corrected her "No dear, that's where jewelry comes from."


0 Comments, 19 Views, 8 Votes ,3.94 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
My Travel Plans for 2018-2019   6/4/2018

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. <br><br> I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. <br><br> I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my ...


1 Comments, 17 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Holiday Present   5/28/2018

Bob's wife is going off to Paris for a long weekend with her girlfriends. As he drives her to the airport, she says to him: <br><br> "Is there anything you'd like me to bring you back from Paris?" <br><br> Bob thinks about it for a while, and then jokes, "How about you bring me back a cute little French girl?" <br><br> Bob's wife ...


3 Comments, 27 Views, 9 Votes ,3.85 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Billy Bob and Luther   5/24/2018

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther" Ya knowI reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it A little different. The last few years I took your advice about where to go." "Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant." "Then two years ago you told me to go ...


0 Comments, 19 Views, 9 Votes ,4.71 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
WELL, I'LL BE DOG GONE   5/17/2018

A guy walks into a bar with his dog and says, "I'll have a otch and water and my dog would like a whiskey sour." <br><br> The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't allow animals in here." <br><br> The dog replies, "Hey, I'm tired of being diriminated against. Just give me a drink." <br><br> The bartender says, "Oh, no, ...


1 Comments, 36 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Photo on the night stand   5/16/2018

After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. <br><br> 'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks. <br><br> 'No, silly, ' she replies, snuggling up to him. <br><br> 'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues. <br><br> 'No, not at all, ...


1 Comments, 21 Views, 6 Votes ,2.80 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Underwear dust   5/3/2018

evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!' <br><br> His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded. <br><br> The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. ...


1 Comments, 39 Views, 7 Votes ,1.51 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Fireman Sex   5/1/2018

A FIREMAN came home from work day and told his wife, 'You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go. <br><br> 'From now on when I say BELL 1 I want you to strip naked. <br><br> When I say BELL 2 I want you to ...


0 Comments, 22 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
THE BOTTLE OF WINE   5/1/2018

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine: Mary was driving home from of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet , she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman ...


1 Comments, 18 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
THE CORK   4/30/2018

Arab terrorists were in a locker room taking a shower after their bomb making class in Toronto, when notices the other has a huge cork stuck in his arse. If you do not mind me saying, " stated the second, "that cork looks very uncomfortable. Why don't you take it out?" I regret I cannot", lamented the first Arab. "It is permanently stuck in my arse." "I do ...


1 Comments, 24 Views, 2 Votes ,0.34 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
YOU CAN'T FOOL THE IRISH.......   4/30/2018

Mrs O'Brien comes to visit her son Seamus for 3 days in Dublin where he is studying. She finds out that her son lives with Vikki, a girl roomate. Mrs O'Brien couldn't but notice how pretty Seamus's room-mate was. She suspects of a relationship between the , and this had only made her more curious. Reading his Mum's thoughts, Seamus volunteered, "I know what you must be ...


1 Comments, 11 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Cowboy   4/24/2018

Cowboy: GIVE ME 3 PACKETS OF CONDOMS PLEASE. <br><br> CASHIER: DO YOU NEED A PAPER BAG SIR? <br><br> Cowboy: NAH... SHE AIN'T THAT UGLY!


0 Comments, 15 Views, 5 Votes ,0.86 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
THE BOTTLE OF WINE   4/17/2018

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine: Mary was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo ...


0 Comments, 14 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
YOU CAN'T FOOL THE IRISH.......   4/17/2018

Mrs O'Brien comes to visit her son Seamus for 3 days in Dublin where he is studying. She finds out that her son lives with Vikki, a girl roomate. Mrs O'Brien couldn't help but notice how pretty Seamus's room-mate was. She suspects of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Reading his Mum's thoughts, Seamus volunteered, "I know what you ...


0 Comments, 19 Views, 9 Votes ,3.21 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
WHEELIE BIN   4/17/2018

A dustman is going along a street picking up the wheelie bins and emptying them into his dustcart. He gets to one house where the bin hasn't been left out so he has a quick look for it, (unusual I know), goes round the back but still can't see it, so he knocks on the door. There's no answer so he knocks again. Eventually a Japanese bloke answers... "Harro", says the ...


0 Comments, 16 Views, 7 Votes ,3.04 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Disappointed   4/9/2018

A teacher asked her 6th grade class: “Who can tell me, which human organ becomes 10 times bigger when it’s stimulated?” <br><br> Maria stood up, bright red and angry, and said “How can you ask such a question? I’m telling my parents and they’re going to get you fired!” <br><br> The teacher was shocked by the outburst, but decided to ignore it. She asked the ...


0 Comments, 24 Views, 6 Votes ,2.23 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
A drover in the Northern Territories   4/8/2018

A Drover walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side. <br><br> He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside. <br><br> Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute. <br><br> 'Then he'll open his mouth and I'll ...


0 Comments, 8 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Good Ears   3/28/2018

A young man moved into his first new apartment on his own, and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke ...


0 Comments, 18 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
chaosridden 29 M
1 Article
Score 0.0
:P pointless   3/15/2018

Baka la a derka derka


0 Comments, 4 Views, 2 Votes ,0.34 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Vanilla Pudding Robbery   3/13/2018

This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2. Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes ...


0 Comments, 23 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
TWO STRINGS   3/6/2018

These two strings walk up to a bar. The first string walks in and orders and the bartender throws him out and yells "I don't serve strings in this bar..." <br><br> The other string ruffs himself up on the street and curls up and orders... The bartender shouts, "Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?" <br><br> String says "Yeah." ...


0 Comments, 20 Views, 6 Votes ,2.80 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
A LITTLE BRITISH HUMOUR   3/5/2018

The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well> dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?' The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular 'Americans> are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.' The ...


0 Comments, 27 Views, 8 Votes ,4.17 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
The Vicar's Salary.   3/2/2018

The local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave. <br><br> Mike Smith, who owns several car dealerships, stands up and proclaims: 'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!' ...


0 Comments, 26 Views, 5 Votes ,1.51 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Chicken Sandwich   2/25/2018

Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what..... <br><br> A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken ...


0 Comments, 28 Views, 9 Votes ,3.21 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Mice   2/18/2018

Mice How Many Mice Does It Take To Screw In A Light Bulb? <br><br> Now, wait a minute, before you scroll down for the answer, see if you can figure this out. Come on... Think about it! How many? <br><br> All right, if you think you're really ready to give up... <br><br> but you're going to be very embarrassed.. <br><br> <br><br> ...


0 Comments, 21 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Frank   2/17/2018

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.' Passenger: 'Who?' Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.' Passenger: ...


0 Comments, 20 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Primark Catalogue   2/9/2018

Two Thanetians were looking at a Primark Catalog and admiring the Models. <br><br> One says to the other, 'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this Catalog?' <br><br> The second one replies, 'Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!' The first one says, with wide eyes, 'Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying ...


0 Comments, 19 Views, 3 Votes ,0.98 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Crosses   2/8/2018

What do you get if you cross a bullet and a tree with no leaves? A cartridge in a bare tree. <br><br> What would you get if you crossed a bat with a lly hearts club? Lots of blind dates. <br><br> What would you get if you crossed a donkey with an owl? A smart ass which knows it all. <br><br> What would you get if you crossed a mole with a porcupine? A tunnel ...


1 Comments, 14 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
MasterofGalifrey 34 M
1 Article
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School joke   2/5/2018

What is the difference between math and biology? <br><br> In math, 1+1=2 <br><br> And in biology, 1+1=3


0 Comments, 8 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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A smart blonde!   2/1/2018

A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know, " he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk." The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to ...


1 Comments, 31 Views, 7 Votes ,3.04 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Three Little Pigs   2/1/2018

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order. <br><br> 'I would like a Sprite, ' said the first little piggy. <br><br> <br><br> ! 'I would like a Coke, ' said the second little piggy. <br><br> 'I want beer, lots and lots of beer, ' said the third little piggy. ...


1 Comments, 27 Views, 6 Votes ,2.23 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Date Site Descriptions   1/31/2018

You might find this amusing. Dating Site Deriptions What they Really MEAN: !!!! <br><br> Female: Adventurous = puts the book down during sex, . Athletic = No breasts, 30 something = 41, Fun =Annoying, Wild = gets pissed easily, Beautiful eyes = face like a robbers dog, Seeks knight in sinning armour = Ex is a fxxxing nutter., New age = hairy and smelly bits, A bit head strong ...


0 Comments, 15 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Doctors Never Laugh   1/31/2018

Bob went to a doctor and asked him if he ever laughed at a patient. The doctor replied 'Of course I won't laugh, I'm a professional. In over twenty I've never laughed at a patient.' 'Okay then, ' Bob said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'whoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA ...


0 Comments, 13 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Office Showoff   1/29/2018

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the ph and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, ''Can I ...


0 Comments, 18 Views, 4 Votes ,1.30 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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gissa a job   1/29/2018

This Kid will go far... This is an actual job application that a 17-year-old boy submitted at a McDonald's restaurant in Florida; and they hired him because he was so hst and funny! NAME: Greg Bulmash. SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person. DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, ...


0 Comments, 11 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Maxims   1/22/2018

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. Two wrongs are only the beginning. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Change is inevitable except from vending machines. Get a new car ...


0 Comments, 15 Views, 5 Votes ,2.16 Score
pack3rs 50 T
7 Articles
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North Carolina mountain man was drafted by the Army   1/22/2018

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been ...


0 Comments, 23 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Spelling.....   1/21/2018

Thought you’d like this: Rearrange the letters to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when erect! <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> P N E S I <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> <br><br> ...


0 Comments, 17 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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A mental hospital   1/19/2018

After hearing that of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the reuer's file and ed him into his office. <br><br> "Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself ...


0 Comments, 11 Views, 1 Votes
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Two Scots   1/18/2018

ots, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub diussing Jock's forthcoming wedding. 'Ach, it's all going grand, ' says Jock. 'I've got everything organised already: the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night... Archie nods approvingly. 'Havens, I've even bought a kilt to be married in!' continues Jock. 'A ...


0 Comments, 17 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX   1/17/2018

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about. <br><br> Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one ...


0 Comments, 16 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX   1/17/2018

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about. <br><br> Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one ...


0 Comments, 6 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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But My Wife Won't Like It   1/16/2018

A Golfer accidentally overturned his cart. <br><br> Elizabeth, a "beautiful" real golfer who lived in a villa on the golf course heard the noise and yelled over to him. <br><br> "Hey, are you okay, what's your name?" "Willis, " he replied. <br><br> "Willis forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest up and I'll you ...


0 Comments, 21 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Dolphins   1/16/2018

A few ago, there was a really eccentric oil tycoon who had taken it into his head to collect really strange and exotic pets. day, deciding to add to his collection, he walked into the store of an exotic pet shop and said to the salesman, "Show me the most unusual pet you have in stock!" The salesman took him to an outside tank, in which a pod of dolphins were frolicking happily. ...


0 Comments, 11 Views, 3 Votes ,0.98 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Racing Snail   1/13/2018

My racing snail is not winning races anymore so I decided to take his shell off to reduce his weight and make him more aerodynamic. It didnt work if anything its made him more sluggish


0 Comments, 7 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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The Bacon Tree   1/13/2018

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden....... <br><br> 'Hey Jose, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure of eet.' <br><br> 'Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee.' <br><br> So, with renewed strength, they ...


0 Comments, 15 Views, 6 Votes ,2.51 Score
pack3rs 50 T
7 Articles
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Old man's health check up   1/12/2018

An old man went to the doctor suffering from Piles. The doctor gave him pesaries and told him to put in his rectum every night and come back after week. <br><br> When he got home he said to his wife "Have we got a rectum?". She replied "What's a rectum?". <br><br> The old man said "I've no idea but I have to put of these in it every ...


0 Comments, 22 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
Italian Honeymoon...   1/9/2018

The Italian Honeymoon... <br><br> After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his barbershop in Jersey to say hello to his old friends... Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?" Luigi said, "Everyting perfecto, except for da traina ride..." "Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni. "Well, we ...


1 Comments, 28 Views, 8 Votes ,3.71 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
Little Sally   1/9/2018

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!"... Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut... " Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really small, was it?" Sally replied, "No, salty." Mom ...


0 Comments, 22 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Leaving Early   1/9/2018

women all worked in the same office, with the same female boss. Each day they noticed that the boss would leave work early. day, the women decided, that when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never ed, or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early. <br><br> The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, ed ...


1 Comments, 19 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
pack3rs 50 T
7 Articles
Score 0.1
A patient rings his doctor...   1/9/2018

A patient rings his doctor... <br><br> Patient: "Doctor, I applied that Hemorrhoid cream you gave me and got a terrible reaction!" <br><br> Doctor: "Okay, where exactly did you apply it?" <br><br> Patient: "On the bus."


0 Comments, 15 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
Disappointed...   1/6/2018

A teacher asked her 6th grade class: “Who can tell me, which human organ becomes 10 times bigger when it’s stimulated?” <br><br> Maria stood up, bright red and angry, and said “How can you ask such a question? I’m telling my parents and they’re going to get you fired!” <br><br> The teacher was shocked by the outburst, but decided to ignore it. She asked the ...


1 Comments, 36 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
No more a Virgin   1/6/2018

No more a Virgin <br><br> The family is at the dining table. The little 10-year-old girl does not eat and has her nose in her plate…. <br><br> After a few moments, she says, “I’ve something to tell you people” <br><br> Silence around the table. “I’m no longer virgin”, and she begins to cry. A long silence again. <br><br> And then… ...


0 Comments, 25 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
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Crabs...   1/6/2018

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him. <br><br> She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator. <br><br> He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in an arrogant manner that he was a lawyer and ...


1 Comments, 32 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
NI Women   12/27/2017

Three men sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties to perform. Terry had married a woman from America, and bragged that he had told his new wife to do all the dishes and house cleaning in the house. He said it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and all the dishes were cleaned and put away. James had married a woman from ...


0 Comments, 19 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
Handyman Husband???...   12/26/2017

On a cold winter morning, wife texts husband: "WINDOWS FROZEN, WON'T OPEN" Husband texts back: "POUR SOME LUKEWARM WATER OVER IT AND TAP GENTLY ALONG THE EDGES WITH A HAMMER" Five minutes later wife texts husband: "COMPUTER REALLY SCREWED UP NOW"


0 Comments, 20 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
Crumbled Money///   12/26/2017

While enjoying their evening cocktails, the wife asks her husband, in a very seductive voice, "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?" "No, " said her husband. <br><br> She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled out a ...


1 Comments, 28 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
THE SPOON AND THE STRING   12/25/2017

A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an organization. <br><br> Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. <br><br> When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he Also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I ...


0 Comments, 15 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
This Is HELL to Write About:   12/22/2017

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil... Satan: "Why so glum?" Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!" Satan: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?" Guy: "Sure, I love to drink." Satan: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays ...


0 Comments, 20 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Frozen Turkey   12/18/2017

Sarah new young bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, 'Richard doesn't appreciate what I do for him.' 'Now, now, ' her mother comforted, 'I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.' 'No, mother, you don't understand. I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price.' 'Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate, ' ...


0 Comments, 18 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
pack3rs 50 T
7 Articles
Score 0.1
Lion cage cleaner   12/17/2017

My first job was at our local Zoo, sweeping the shit out of the lion, s cage........ most of it was mine. They fired me the next week for leaving the cage door open, I said "oh come on, who, s gonna steal a Lion?"


0 Comments, 7 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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I want to see something really cheap   12/15/2017

After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. <br><br> <br><br> "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. <br><br> "That's a bit much, " said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. ...


0 Comments, 19 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Ethel   12/14/2017

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in. day Ethel was speeding up corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his ...


0 Comments, 17 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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The Wedding Night.   12/13/2017

eggs decide to get married. Along comes the big day and everything goes to plan. But they are both very nervous about the hymoon night so the female egg decides to dress up in a skimpy little negligee to them get excited. The husband comes along and sees his wife dressed like this and all off a sudden runs into the bathroom and locks the door. The wife is very shocked by his behavior but ...


0 Comments, 12 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Catholic Dog   12/13/2017

Muldoon lived al in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. day the dog died, and Muldoon we nt to the parish priest and asked, "Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have s for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and ...


0 Comments, 11 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Onions And Christmas Trees   12/7/2017

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there? <br><br> The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, there are kinds of Boobs: <br><br> In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm. <br><br> In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. ...


0 Comments, 23 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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LIFE THOUGHTS BY 'DUCKY'   12/6/2017

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it. So I said 'Implants?' She hit me. <br><br> Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative. <br><br> Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. <br><br> How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty ...


0 Comments, 14 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Looks of Disappointment   12/5/2017

A Irishman was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're truly beautiful." Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're really cute." The wife was ...


0 Comments, 20 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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ONLY IN SCOTLAND   12/4/2017

A Scottish soldier in full dress marches into a pharmacy to speak to the chemist. The Scot opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana, opens it to reveal a smaller silk square which he unfolds to reveal a condom. The condom has a number of patches on it. He holds it up. 'How much to repair it?' the Scot asks the pharmacist.'Six pence, ' says the chemist. ...


0 Comments, 17 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Trained   11/29/2017

An old man who'd lived all his life back up in the hills came to visit a childhood friend. Now he'd never laid eyes on a train or the iron rails on which they run. Standing in the middle of the tracks one day, he heard a distant whistle... WOOOO--ooo---OOOOO! but didn't have a clue as to what it meant or his impending danger. Predictably, the old boy is hit -- fortunately ...


0 Comments, 17 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Mick & Paddy   11/26/2017

Mick met Paddy in the street and said, 'Paddy, will you draw your bedroom curtains before making love to your wife in future?' 'Bejaysus Why?' Paddy asked. 'Because, ' said Mick, 'the whole street was laughing when they saw you making love yesterday.' Paddy said, 'Stupid bastards, the laugh's on them ... I wasn't home yesterday.'


0 Comments, 18 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Paddy   11/24/2017

Paddy walks into his GP's surgery and punches doctor! He then shouts "You bastrd telling my wife she has a nice fanny!" The doctor says "I told her she's got acute angina..!"


0 Comments, 15 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Deodoranjt   11/20/2017

I got a new stick deodorant today. The instructions said: Remove cap and push up bottom. I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely.


0 Comments, 12 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Near Death Experience   11/20/2017

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She ...


0 Comments, 22 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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The Blonde and the Casino   11/20/2017

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand rand (R20, 000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm Completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" ...


0 Comments, 21 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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HOLY SOAP   11/14/2017

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. <br><br> They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap. <br><br> Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.. Having no place to ...


0 Comments, 20 Views, 5 Votes ,5.43 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Elderly Couple   11/13/2017

An elderly couple who were both widowed had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the ...


0 Comments, 23 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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This old wino   11/10/2017

This old wino staggers into a bar and the barman immediately told him to get out. The tramp said that he would only leave if the barman gave him a cocktail stick. The barman, thinking this was a fair exchange, gladly gave the man a cocktail stick and watched him stagger back outside. <br><br> A minute later another old wino walked into the bar and got asked to leave by the barman. ...


0 Comments, 20 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Frozen Wimdows   11/6/2017

Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning: "Windows frozen." Husband texts back: "pour some luke warm water over it." <br><br> Wife texts back: <br><br> <br><br> "computer completely fucked now."


0 Comments, 20 Views, 9 Votes ,5.35 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Trouble sleeping   10/27/2017

The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. <br><br> "Well, I, uh, " she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac." <br><br> "I see, " he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour." <br><br> "That's not ...


1 Comments, 35 Views, 10 Votes ,3.58 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Jewish Divorce   10/26/2017

A jewish girl calls her mother : 'Mum, I'm getting a divorce'. 'A divorce? Why?' replied the shocked mother. 'Mum, all he wants his anal sex. I used to have a lovely little arsehole, the size of a 5p piece. Now its the size of a 50p piece'. The mother replies 'Sweetie, you have a lovely home, a Porsche, a platinum credit card and have 4 foreign holidays a year.... ...


1 Comments, 19 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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50 Years!   10/18/2017

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years a go? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." Yes. she says. "I remember it well." OK, " he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?" ...


0 Comments, 22 Views, 8 Votes ,4.64 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Vely Good   10/15/2017

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. <br><br> She yells, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?" <br><br> One of the Japanese men explains, "Can't you see? We are all berry hungry." <br><br> The waitress ...


0 Comments, 27 Views, 9 Votes ,2.57 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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How My Husband Broke His Arms....   10/14/2017

Last year, when the power mower was broken and wouldn't run, I kept hinting to my husband that he ought to get it fixed, but somehow the message never sank in. Finally I thought of a clever way to make the point. <br><br> When my husband arrived home that day, he found me seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. <br><br> He ...


0 Comments, 19 Views, 5 Votes ,1.84 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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The British Way   10/12/2017

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis only to find a British soldier selling regimental ties. The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?" The soldier replied, "There is no water, the well is dry. Would you like to buy a tie instead? They are only ...


0 Comments, 17 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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The Atheist and the Bear   10/11/2017

An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees'! 'What powerful rivers'! 'What beautiful animals'! He said to himself. <br><br> As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. <br><br> He ran as fast as he could up the path. He ...


0 Comments, 19 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Fairy Tale   10/10/2017

One day, long, long ago, there was this woman who surprisingly, did not whine, nag or bitch......... But it was a long time ago..... …and it was just the ONE day. The End


0 Comments, 5 Views, 0 Votes
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Guy's Logic   10/10/2017

Lady: Do you drink? Man: Yes. <br><br> Lady: How much a day? Man: Three 6 packs. <br><br> Lady: How much per 6 pack? Man: About $10.00. <br><br> Lady: And how long have you been drinking? Man: 15 years. <br><br> Lady: So one 6 pack costs $10.00, and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900. In one year, it would be $10, 800 ...


0 Comments, 14 Views, 0 Votes
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Fake two dollar bill   10/9/2017

On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday cash I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my wallet is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting upset with me. <br><br> ME: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer ...


1 Comments, 15 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Harrods   10/8/2017

Harrods <br><br> *A young Aussie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job. The manager asked 'Do you have any sales experience?' The young man answered 'Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Dubbo.' The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job. His first day was challenging and busy, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the ...


0 Comments, 11 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
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213 Articles
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Random Jokes   10/8/2017

Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK! <br><br> <br><br> The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part. <br><br> I've accidentally ...


0 Comments, 11 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
pack3rs 50 T
7 Articles
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Sent Packing   10/7/2017

My wife accused me of being a transvestite. So I packed her things and left.


0 Comments, 16 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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LAWS OF INEVITABILITY   10/5/2017

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee. LAW OF THE WORKSHOP Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. LAW OF PROBABILITY The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. LAW OF THE TELEPHONE If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. LAW ...


0 Comments, 6 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Why can't people take a joke??   10/4/2017

With all the political correctness these days, it seems that people just can't take a joke for what it is anymore. I mean come on people, don't let a joke over shadow common sense and real decency. thoughts?


0 Comments, 5 Views, 0 Votes
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213 Articles
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The Wedding Night   10/3/2017

Maria had just gotten married, and being a traditional Ital ian she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was a very nervous. Her mother reassured her, "Don't worry, Maria, John’s a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you. Meanwhile, I'll be making pasta." So, uppa she went. When she got upstairs, John took off ...


0 Comments, 15 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
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213 Articles
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TAKING A WOMAN TO BED   9/29/2017

What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58. 68, and 78 ? <br><br> . At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed. <br><br> At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed. <br><br> At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed. <br><br> ...


0 Comments, 13 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
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213 Articles
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A Few Thoughts For You   9/29/2017

• Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad. Norm Papernick • Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons? • Why is the man who invests all your money called a 'Broker'? • Why isn't there a mouse flavoured cat food? • Why do they call the airport ...


0 Comments, 12 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
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213 Articles
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The Lonely Widow   9/29/2017

Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss ...


1 Comments, 16 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
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213 Articles
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Another Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman Joke   9/29/2017

There's an Englishman, Irishman & a Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters. The Englishman says "I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes". The Scotsman says "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a ...


0 Comments, 11 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
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213 Articles
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Bruce And Sheila   9/29/2017

Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge one day when he sees his girlfriend, Sheila about to throw herself off. Bruce slams on the brakes and yells "Sheila, what the hell d'ya think you're doing?" Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says, "G'day Bruce. Ya got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself." Bruce gets a lump in his throat ...


0 Comments, 16 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
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213 Articles
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LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN   9/29/2017

A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep . It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate, not fascinating". Sally raised her hand. She said, ...


0 Comments, 13 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
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213 Articles
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20 Rules for Successful Writing   9/26/2017

For those of you who write blogs and articles for the site, here a a few simple rules for you. <br><br> 1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive 5. Avoid cliches like the plague 6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration 7. Be more or ...


0 Comments, 7 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
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213 Articles
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Strange Diseases   9/25/2017

A young couple left their wedding reception, arriving at the hotel for the first night of their honeymoon. They cracked the champagne and began undressing. When the groom removed his socks, his new wife said, "Your toes Look all mangled and funny." "I had tolio as a child, " the husband replied. "You mean polio?" she asked. "No, the disease only affected ...


0 Comments, 10 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
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213 Articles
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Gas Prices in Paris - Tres Bien!   9/21/2017

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. <br><br> After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. Only two blocks away, however, he was captured when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur, that is the reason I ...


0 Comments, 13 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
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213 Articles
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Divorce Letter   9/20/2017

Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, ...


0 Comments, 21 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
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213 Articles
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Little Johnny's Breakfast   9/20/2017

A grade three teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for breakfast. To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also spell their answers. Susan puts up her hand and says she had an egg, 'E-G-G'. 'Very good', says the teacher. Peter says he had toast 'T-O-A-S-T'. 'Excellent.' Johnny has his hand up and ...


0 Comments, 11 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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213 Articles
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Jack Schitt   9/19/2017

The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says; "You don't know Jack Schitt." Now you can intellectually handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of the Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack. <br><br> In turn, Jack Schitt ...


0 Comments, 7 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
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213 Articles
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Weight Loss   9/18/2017

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. <br><br> The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, 'If you can catch ...


0 Comments, 5 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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213 Articles
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YOU Can Be The Man Of Your House   9/14/2017

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly, "From now on, YOU need to know that I AM the MAN of this house, and my word is law! You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me, and ...


0 Comments, 10 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
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213 Articles
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Accident At The Toll Booth   9/13/2017

The driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, and ploughed into an empty toll booth, smashing it to pieces. Some time after the driver had reported the damage, he watched as a repair truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers. They picked up each broken piece of the wreckage and spread a creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces together. In less than a half hour, ...


0 Comments, 9 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
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213 Articles
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Main Vice President   9/10/2017

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. <br><br> Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!". <br><br> "Really?" he said. Not sure if this was ...


0 Comments, 20 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
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213 Articles
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Painting the Church   9/8/2017

There was a Scottish painter named Smokey Macgregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. <br><br> As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Local Church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings. <br><br> Smokey ...


0 Comments, 13 Views, 1 Votes
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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Tales From The Shire   9/7/2017

Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly. They taker her to ta local motel; the first hobbit goes into the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears starnge noises through the door, "I can't do it, I can't do it, I CAN'T DO IT!" In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, "How did it ...


0 Comments, 9 Views, 0 Votes
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213 Articles
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EATING IN THE FIFTIES   9/7/2017

* Pasta had not been invented. * Curry was an unknown entity. * Olive oil was kept in the medicine cabinet * Spices came from the Middle East where we believed that they were used for embalming * Herbs were used to make rather dodgy medicine. * A Takeaway was a mathematical problem. * A Pizza was something to do with a leaning tower. * Bananas and oranges only appeared at Christmas time. * The ...


1 Comments, 13 Views, 2 Votes ,0.34 Score
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213 Articles
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New Windows   9/6/2017

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane energy-efficient kind. Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago and I had not paid for them yet. Hellloooo? Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So I told him just exactly ...


0 Comments, 9 Views, 0 Votes
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213 Articles
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The Elderly Golfer   9/6/2017

An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house. <br><br> As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads: <br><br> COLD BEER:£3.50 HAMBURGER: £4.50 CHEESEBURGER: £5.00 CHICKEN SANDWICH : £5.50 HAND JOB: £200.00 <br><br> Checking ...


0 Comments, 11 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
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213 Articles
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The Salesman   9/3/2017

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. <br><br> "Good morning, " said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." <br><br> "Go away!" said the old lady. ...


0 Comments, 12 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
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213 Articles
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HOW LONG HAVE I GOT LEFT?   9/1/2017

A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that his patient would survive the night. The man then said "Call for my lawyer." <br><br> When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the ...


0 Comments, 10 Views, 0 Votes
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213 Articles
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THIS IS WHY PARENTS DRINK!!   8/30/2017

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' <br><br> With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter. <br><br> Dear Dad: It is with great regret and ...


0 Comments, 7 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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213 Articles
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Tomatoes   8/27/2017

See if this works for yours (tomatoes that is) . . . <br><br> <br><br> A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbour who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes. The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes so ...


0 Comments, 7 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
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213 Articles
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Survey   8/26/2017

In a recent blowjob survey 7% of the men said they like the feeling. 10% said they like the power and control. The rest just enjoyed the peace and quiet.


0 Comments, 5 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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213 Articles
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Funny Thoughts for the Day   8/24/2017

• Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad. Norm Papernick • Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons? • Why is the man who invests all your money called a 'Broker'? • Why isn't there a mouse flavoured cat food? • Why do they call the airport ...


0 Comments, 7 Views, 1 Votes
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
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The Irish v. The French!   8/23/2017

The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings. <br><br> 'Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!' a heavily accented voice said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you! We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty!' 'Well Paddy, Sarkozy replied. How big is your army?' ...


1 Comments, 12 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
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213 Articles
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A guy's guide to spotting Ms Wrong by the end of the first date   8/22/2017

When you're in the thick of a first date, judgement may not be on your side. Often you'll find yourself asking or agreeing to see her again, then waking up the next morning to a clear-as-day realisation that you don't want a second date at all. <br><br> Rather than try to squeeze out of it once it's too late, you should sharpen those powers of first-date perception. ...


0 Comments, 14 Views, 1 Votes
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213 Articles
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EVEN MORE BLONDE QUESTIONS ANSWERED   8/18/2017

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain ? A: Gifted! Q: How do blonde braincells die? A: Alone. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? A: Because they ...


0 Comments, 11 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
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Pumpkin   8/17/2017

This was apparently in the Washington Post .... The title of the article was Best Come Back Line Ever.' In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County Courthouse on Monday. The ...


0 Comments, 6 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
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213 Articles
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SKIRT ZIPPER   8/15/2017

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to ...


0 Comments, 6 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
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DATING RITUALS of women   8/10/2017

CANADIAN WOMEN

First date: You get to kiss her goodnight. Second date: You get to grope all over and make out. Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary position.

IRISH WOMEN

First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. 20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

ITALIAN ...


0 Comments, 9 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
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213 Articles
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Irish Radio Phone In Quiz   8/9/2017

Some belters from Larry Gogans radio show phone in quiz called the "just a minute quiz"

(Larry) Q. Something a blind man might use? (Contestant) A. A sword



(L.) Q. A song with the word moon in the title? C.) A. Blue suede moon



L.) Q. Name the capital of France? C.) A. "F"



L.) Q. Name a bird with a long neck? C.) A. Naomi Campbell ...


0 Comments, 8 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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213 Articles
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Letter From The Boss   8/8/2017

Memorandum

TO: All employees FROM: The boss DATE:August 8th, 2017 RE: Foul Language



It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who are easily offended, this type of language will be ...


0 Comments, 10 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
pack3rs 50 T
7 Articles
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Earrings   8/6/2017

Earrings





Have you ever wondered why some men wear earrings?

A man was at work one day when he noticed his co-worker was wearing an earring. Knowing his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, he was curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense." The man walks up to his co-worker and said, "I didn't know you were into earrings." "Don't make such a ...


0 Comments, 18 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
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213 Articles
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Poor Elton   8/2/2017

Elton John goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run. The doctor comes back and says "Elton, I'm not going to beat around the bush. You have HIV."

Elton is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?"

Doc says "Eat one sausage, one head of cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, ten Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of All Bran cereal and top it ...


0 Comments, 14 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
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Pregnancy Question   8/2/2017

Catherine, pregnant with her first child, paid a visit to her obstetrician's office. After the exam, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..." "I know, I know, " the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy." "No, that's not it, " Catherine confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."


0 Comments, 10 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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Groans   8/1/2017

Doctor Evil cloned himself again. This time created a full size version of himself. He was charged with "Bigger Me."

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Dollywood is currently undergoing renovations....please PARTON our dust!

Don't put too many adaptors into one socket. They confuse.

Dr. Oleander Fern, the noted biologist, was stumped. He had spent months ...


0 Comments, 8 Views, 0 Votes
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213 Articles
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How To Poop At Work   8/1/2017

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2001 Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure. ESCAPEE. ...


0 Comments, 8 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
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213 Articles
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My Wife Left Me   7/31/2017

My wife left me... And I don't understand.

After the last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses - I had to give up drinking beer.

I was not a big drinker, maybe a 12-pack on weekends.

Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day when she came home from grocery shopping, the receipt included $45 for makeup.

I said, "Wait ...


0 Comments, 12 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
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213 Articles
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My US Air Force   7/31/2017

Even Zoomies get it right once in a while.

A US Air Force C-130 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's preflight check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight. So a message is sent to the base ops and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it. The young man finally gets to the flight ...


0 Comments, 12 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
pack3rs 50 T
7 Articles
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Teacher Arrested   7/27/2017

Teacher Arrested



A public school teacher was arrested today at Heathrow International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Theresa May said she believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.

she did not identify the man, ...


1 Comments, 18 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
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213 Articles
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The Wongs   7/26/2017

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby. The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.

'Congratulations, ' says the nurse to the new parents. 'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?' The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will ...


0 Comments, 9 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
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213 Articles
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Stuck In A Bog   7/26/2017

Paddy was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O'Reilly wandered by.

"Help!" Paddy shouted, "Oi'm sinkin'!" Don't worry, " assured Mick. "Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi'm the strongest man in Erin, and Oi'll pull ye right out o' there."

Mick leaned out and grabbed Paddy's hand and pulled and pulled to no avail. After two more unsuccessful attempts, Mick said to ...


0 Comments, 9 Views, 0 Votes
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213 Articles
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DOLLY PARTON AND QUEEN ELIZABETH   7/25/2017

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in. The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the ...


0 Comments, 8 Views, 1 Votes
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213 Articles
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The Lone Ranger's Last Request   7/25/2017

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.

The Indian Chief proclaims,

"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" ..

"In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."

"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"

"What is your FIRST request ???'

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to ...


0 Comments, 10 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
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BEER TROUBLE SHOOTING GUIDE   7/25/2017

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. FAULT: You have fallen over backward. ACTION: Have yourself latched to bar. SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts. FAULT: You have fallen forward. ACTION: See above. SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth ...


0 Comments, 6 Views, 1 Votes
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213 Articles
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The Wrong Suit   7/25/2017

An old lady was very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw him she started crying. One of the undertakers strode up to provide comfort in this sombre moment. Through her tears she explained that she was upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his dying ...


0 Comments, 14 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
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Miracle Cure   7/20/2017

NEW - Miracle Cure!!!





• Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

• Do you suffer from shyness?

• Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?



If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about White Wine.

White Wine is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident ...


1 Comments, 11 Views, 3 Votes ,0.49 Score
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213 Articles
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Great Advice   7/20/2017

By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have found inner peace.

The article read:

'The way to achieve inner peace is to finish off the things you have started'.

So I looked round the house to see all the things I had started and hadn't finished .... and before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white wine, a ...


0 Comments, 9 Views, 1 Votes
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213 Articles
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A tale of four cats   7/20/2017

Four Cats Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were. The first man was an Engineer, The second man was an Accountant, The third man was a Chemist, and The fourth man was a Government Employee. To show off, the Engineer called his cat, 'T-square, do your stuff.' T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen

and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a ...


0 Comments, 14 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
What do you call it when Batman skips church?   7/12/2017

Christian Bale.


1 Comments, 6 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
Best joke evar   7/10/2017

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.


1 Comments, 4 Views, 0 Votes
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
pest Control   7/3/2017

An Irishwoman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. "Quick, " said the woman to the lover, "into the closet!" and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the ...


0 Comments, 25 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Odd One Out   7/3/2017

Odd One Out

Which is the odd 1 out? 1. Toaster. 2. Washing machine. 3. Dish washer. 4. Woman.

Answer = A toaster.... Its the only 1 that doesnt drip when its fucked


0 Comments, 10 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
2 Irish Nuns   7/3/2017

Two Irish nuns were sitting at traffic light in their car when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulls up alongside of them. "Hey, show us your tits, ye bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks. The Mother Superior turns to Sister Immaculata, "I don't think they know who we are - show them your cross." So Sister Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Screw off ye little fookin wankers, before I ...


0 Comments, 16 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Mother Of Six   6/29/2017

A husband, so proud of the fact that his wife had given birth to 6 children, begins to call her "mother of six" rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of her husband's description. "Mother of six, " he would say, "Get me a beer!" "Hey mother of six, what's for dinner tonight?" This type of situation persisted to a ...


0 Comments, 30 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
A Biker Story   6/29/2017

A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped.

The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"

I'm going to commit suicide, " she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity, so he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give ...


0 Comments, 24 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
The Three Worst Chinese Tortures   6/29/2017

The Three Worst Chinese Tortures



Once upon a time a starving man named Harry Enis was walking in the middle of a Chinese forest when he stumbled upon a huge mansion. It was close to nightfall and he had no where to stay, no food, and nothing to make camp; so he walked up to the mansion and rang the doorbell. A very ancient man with a long beard brushing the floor answered the ...


0 Comments, 21 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
punishyounggirls 45 M
7 Articles
Score 0.0
What happens in Vegas..............   6/26/2017

Three men went Las Vegas and so after a losing all their money at the blackjack tables, the best friends decided to stay off the strip in a not so lavish hotel and the guy that owned it had 18 daughters.

So the first man went up to they're father and said "can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"

The father said "no but you can sleep with the pigs."

The second man went to ...


0 Comments, 25 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Dear Alcohol   6/9/2017

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holiday's hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that ...


1 Comments, 18 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
The power of Alcohol   6/9/2017

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the ...


0 Comments, 11 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Moral Test   5/25/2017

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.

THE SITUATION ...


0 Comments, 25 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
A Jewish Divorce   5/25/2017

A jewish girl calls her mother : 'Mum, I'm getting a divorce'. 'A divorce? Why?' replied the shocked mother. 'Mum, all he wants his anal sex. I used to have a lovely little arsehole, the size of a 5C piece. Now its the size of a 50C piece'. The mother replies 'Sweetie, you have a lovely home, a Porsche, a platinum credit card and have 4 foreign holidays a year.... and you want to give all that up ...


0 Comments, 29 Views, 5 Votes ,2.16 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
YOU Can Be The Man Of Your House   5/25/2017

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly, "From now on, YOU need to know that I AM the MAN of this house, and my word is law! You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me, and we will ...


0 Comments, 14 Views, 1 Votes
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Survey   5/22/2017

In a recent blowjob survey 7% of the men said they like the feeling. 10% said they like the power and control. The rest just enjoyed the peace and quiet.


0 Comments, 13 Views, 5 Votes ,0.86 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
DATING RITUALS OF WOMEN   5/22/2017

CANADIAN WOMEN First date: You get to kiss her goodnight. Second date: You get to grope all over and make out. Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary position.

IRISH WOMEN First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. 20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

ITALIAN WOMEN First Date: ...


0 Comments, 14 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
A Night At The Farmhouse   5/20/2017

The salesman stopped at a farmhouse one evening to ask for room and board for the night. The farmer told him there was no vacant room. "I could let you sleep with my daughter, " the farmer said, "if you promise not to bother her." The salesman agreed. After a hearty supper, he was led to the room. He undressed in the dark, slipped into bed, and felt the farmer's daughter at his side. ...


0 Comments, 34 Views, 1 Votes
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
The Silent Treatment   5/20/2017

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00am for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00am" and left it where he knew she would find it. ...


0 Comments, 20 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Barbie Girl   5/20/2017

A dad is on his way home a bit late from the office when he realises that it's his daughter's birthday and he has not bought her a gift. So he stops at a toy store to buy his daughter a Barbie. Inside he sees a Barbie display and asks the salesgirl how much the Barbies are.

The girl responds: "Which one? We have:

Gymnasium Barbie: $19.95 Volleyball Barbie: $19.95 Shopping ...


0 Comments, 17 Views, 1 Votes
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
3 Eggs And A Little Cash   5/19/2017

A women on her deathbed called her husband and instructed him to look under their bed and open the wooden box he found. He was puzzled by the 3 eggs and $7, 000 in cash he found in the box, so he asked his wife what the eggs were for. "Oh those", she replied, "every time we had bad sex, I put an egg in the box". Not bad, the husband thought to himself, after 35 years of marriage, then ...


0 Comments, 12 Views, 0 Votes
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Chess   5/19/2017

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing around in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. About an hour later the manager comes out of his office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked as they moved along. "Because, " said the manager, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."


0 Comments, 7 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Brothel   5/18/2017

Two eight-year-old boys played in a vacant lot everyday, and across the street was a brothel. Day after day they saw men go up, knock on the door, go in, and eventually come out happy and smiling. One day they became curious and decided to see what was going on. The madam answers the door and looks down at the boys, and asks what they want. They explain what they saw, and tell her that they are ...


0 Comments, 15 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
MORE BLONDE QUESTIONS ANSWERED   5/18/2017

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex? A: Opens the car door.

Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex? A: Kick open the car door.

Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs? A: More leg room.

Q: What do blondes say after sex? A: "Are you boys all in the same band?"

Q: Why is a blonde like a door ...


0 Comments, 11 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Blondes and Oil Changes   5/18/2017

(1996, Texas) 45 year old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.


0 Comments, 7 Views, 0 Votes
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
2 Eggs   5/18/2017

Two eggs decide to get married. Along comes the big day and everything goes to plan. But they are both very nervous about the honeymoon night so the female egg decides to dress up in a skimpy little negligee to help them get excited. The husband comes along and sees his wife dressed like this and all off a sudden runs into the bathroom and locks the door. The wife is very shocked by his ...


0 Comments, 9 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Date Site Descriptions   5/18/2017

You might find this amusing. Dating Site Descriptions What they Really MEAN: !!!!

Female: Adventurous = puts the book down during sex, . Athletic = breasts, 30 something = 41, Fun = Annoying, Wild = gets pissed easily, Beautiful eyes = face like a robbers dog, Seeks knight in shining armour = Ex is a fxxxing nutter., New age = hairy and smelly bits, A bit head strong = Argumentative , ...


0 Comments, 9 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
The Man's Perspective.   5/18/2017

The site from a mans perspective, is strange and bordering on sad, we get the various categories, which by not saying to much, you don't seem to fit into, mostly the categories include: 1) Look at me, 20 photos some with wind machine blowing that Farah Forsett hair around but there not affected. 2) Don't smoke but the fag in hand gives it away but that doesn't mater because the 2 cans of Stella ...


0 Comments, 5 Views, 0 Votes
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Husband And Wife   5/16/2017

TO MY DEAR WIFE:

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean 17 times it was too late 49 times you were too tired 20 times it was too hot 15 times you pretended to be sleep 22 times you had a ...


0 Comments, 13 Views, 0 Votes
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
The Atheist And The Bear   5/16/2017

An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees'! 'What powerful rivers'! 'What beautiful animals'! He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was ...


0 Comments, 8 Views, 0 Votes
punishyounggirls 45 M
7 Articles
Score 0.0
Birthday shopping.   5/14/2017

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?' The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, ...


0 Comments, 11 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
fenix45322 65 M
17 Articles
Score 0.0
Tight pants   4/14/2017

A conventioneer left the reception at the hotel and walked outside for some fresh air. As he was standing on the sidewalk a very svelte and seduction looking woman walked by wearing a pair of pants so tight that they seemed as though they were painted on her.

"Wow!" said the man. "I wonder what it takes to get into pants that tight"

The woman stopped dead in her tracks, turned ...


0 Comments, 13 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Man finds best fitness program till last   3/27/2017

Man finds out he needs to lose some weight quickly and sees ad on back of newspaper saying ultimate fitness program. He calls and asks for service.

Next day a fit blonde arrives and says "If you can catch me, you can have me".

He chases her, loses pounds and has her.

Next day he calls and asks for upgrade. Shortly, a petite redhead arrives and says "If you can catch me, ...


0 Comments, 16 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Toys and boobs   3/23/2017

Two boys talking and one says to the other, "Why are boobs like toys?"

The other boy smiles and says "Because they are fun to play with but end up in your mouth".

Both smile. Thanks women for everything.


0 Comments, 7 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
punishyounggirls 45 M
7 Articles
Score 0.0
Clive and the Devil   3/8/2017

A few minutes before the church service started. The congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate. Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman, known as Clive who sat calmly in his pew ...


0 Comments, 19 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
punishyounggirls 45 M
7 Articles
Score 0.0
HR   2/23/2017

Debbie walks into the boss's office, visibly upset. "Look Dave can you talk to Neil over his behaviour, it's really starting to affect me and right now I'm pissed off!"

"Ok." Says Dave. "What seems to be the issue?"

"Well, for the past three days Neil's been coming up to me in the staff room while I'm making coffee. He then leans in very close, has a deep sniff and tells me ...


0 Comments, 31 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
PussiKontrol 49 F
2 Articles
Score 0.0
What did the duck say to the prostitute?   2/13/2017

Put it on my BILL!


4 Comments, 37 Views, 10 Votes ,3.58 Score
PussiKontrol 49 F
2 Articles
Score 0.0
What did the psychiatrist say to the naked crazy man wrapped in Saran Wrap?   2/13/2017

I can CLEARLY see your('re) NUTS!


0 Comments, 17 Views, 7 Votes ,2.28 Score
punishyounggirls 45 M
7 Articles
Score 0.0
2 Bikers and the Devil.   2/12/2017

2 Bikers (Davo and Ratso) are killed in a crash and go to hell where they are met by Satan. Davo decides it's not his time for eternal damnation and has a private word to Satan. Besides his mate Thommo owes a quite a bit of cash and he wants to reclaim it.

Satan says "Davo, that's fine all you have to does is screw this sheila and you go back". Davo immediately accepts thinking this is ...


0 Comments, 26 Views, 0 Votes
punishyounggirls 45 M
7 Articles
Score 0.0
Biker and Beezlebub   1/27/2017

One day a Biker dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil… Satan: “Why so glum?” Biker: “What do you think? I’m in hell!” Satan: “Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?” Biker: “Sure, I love to drink.” Satan: “Well, you’re gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that’s ...


0 Comments, 30 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
punishyounggirls 45 M
7 Articles
Score 0.0
VASELINE   1/18/2017

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He does not have much luck until, one day; He comes across a Harley with a 'For Sale' sign on it.

The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller, "How he kept it in such great condition for 10 years".

"Well, it's quite simple, really, " ...


0 Comments, 45 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
One Wprd Or Two   1/13/2017

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.

Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman ...


1 Comments, 29 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Making breakfast   1/13/2017

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful, " he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me ...


0 Comments, 28 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Riddles with an X in front of the rated!   1/13/2017

Apologies if some are a little crass but some of them are gold! . . . . X-RATED RIDDLES Q. What's a mixed feeling? A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car. ============================================= Q. What's the height of conceit? A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name. ============================================= Q. What's the definition of macho? ...


1 Comments, 30 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
When Jane met Tarzan   1/13/2017

When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle...





When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex. "Tarzan not know sex, " he replied. Jane explained to him what sex was. Tarzan said, "Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree." Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all ...


0 Comments, 26 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Composure Or Aplomb   1/13/2017

The British have such a command of decorum and aplomb to which we can only aspire.

This message is for my friends who appreciate the finer points of the English language used correctly.

His Lordship was in the study when the butler approached and coughed discreetly.

"May I ask you a question, My Lord?"

"Go ahead, Carson , " said His Lordship.

"I am ...


0 Comments, 16 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
What Happened Next?   1/13/2017

A man is talking to his best friend about married life.

"You know, " he says, "I really trust my wife, and I think she has always been faithful to me. But there's always that doubt."

His friend says, "Yeah, I know what you mean."

A couple of weeks later the man has to go out of town on business. Before he goes, he gets together with his friend.

"While I'm away, ...


0 Comments, 20 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
eric89ward 29 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
redneck vacation   1/6/2017

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. THREE YEARS AGO, YOU SAID TO GO TO HAWAII. I WENT TO HAWAII AND EARLENE GOT PREGNANT. THEN TWO YEARS AGO, YOU TOLD ME TO GO TO THE BAHAMAS, AND EARLENE GOT ...


0 Comments, 17 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
eric89ward 29 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
on the edge   1/5/2017

A guy is hiking up a mountain when he sees a girl standing at the edge of a cliff, crying. "Hey, " he says, "if you're going to jump, how about giving me a blow job before you do it?" "My life's been nothing but crap, " says the girl. "So I might as well." After the girl's done, the guy says, "Wow, that was great! Why are you so depressed, anyway?" The girl replies, "My family disowned me for ...


0 Comments, 24 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
eric89ward 29 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
Little Billy   1/1/2017

One Wednesday, little Billy went to school. The teacher said, "For the next three days, I will be asking a trivia question, if anyone answers any of them correctly, they won't have to come to school on Monday.

The first question was, "How many grains of sand are on all the world's beaches?" No one knew, not even little Billy. Suddenly, a paper airplane flew across the room. "Okay, " said ...


1 Comments, 32 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
eric89ward 29 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
The Priest's Question   12/31/2016

The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing. He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church. During mass, he asked the congregation, 'Has anybody got a cock?

All the men stood up. ...


0 Comments, 16 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
eric89ward 29 M
5 Articles
Score 0.0
BIGGER AND BETTER IN TEXAS   12/31/2016

There was a very self-sufficient blind man, who did a lot of traveling alone. He was making his first trip to Texas and happened to be seated next to a Texan on the flight. The Texan spent a lot of time telling him how everything is bigger and better in Texas. By the time the blind man had reached his destination, a large resort hotel, he was very excited about being in Texas. The long trip had ...


0 Comments, 15 Views, 0 Votes
Zeus2512 66 M
213 Articles
Score 0.0
Baby's First Doctor Visit   11/3/2016

Baby's First Doctor Visit

I hope it will give you a smile!

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. "Breast-fed, " she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist, " ...


0 Comments, 76 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
Satisfaction   10/25/2016

The masochist says to the sadist "Hit me." The sadist hits , and they are both satisfied.

The masochist says to the sadist "I want you to hit me." The sadist says "I won't", and they are both satisfied.


1 Comments, 19 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
Banking   10/24/2016

Q. Why is banking like sex? A. After you withdraw you lose interest.


0 Comments, 8 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
MisterPenfold 65 M
3 Articles
Score 0.0
Porn   10/2/2016

I don't normally buy porn mags, but I saw a Readers Wives special done in my home town so thought I'd splash out on a copy there and then.

That's me banned from WH Smiths now.


1 Comments, 29 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
About Laying Off...   9/9/2016

Two managers are going over their budget for the next year... After analyzing expenses and revenues, they come to the conclusion that they will have to lay off one of their two assistants, Jack or Ann...

They go back and forth but can't decide who to lay off... Finally, one manager decides that they should lay off the first person who gets up from their desk...

In the meantime, ...


1 Comments, 76 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
Young Couple...   9/4/2016

A young couple, on the brink of divorce, visits a marriage counsellor. The counsellor asks the wife, “What’s the problem?”

She says, “My husband suffers from premature ejaculation.”

The counsellor turns to her husband and inquires, “Is that true?”

The husband replies, “Well not exactly, she’s the one that suffers, not me.”


1 Comments, 37 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
Screwed...   9/4/2016

A guy asked a girl in a university library: “Do you mind if I sit beside you?”

The girl replied with a loud voice: “I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!”

All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and said: “I study psychology, and I know ...


1 Comments, 59 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
Impotent   9/4/2016

97 year old man comes to his doctor looking depressed.

He says “Doc, I think I’m impotent.”

Doctor sits him down and begins the standard speech he gives to senior citizens, about how as the body ages bodily functions slow down and it is completely normal to suffer some decrease in sexual desire. How the man shouldn’t worry or become upset about it, but should just relax ...


0 Comments, 44 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
Rain...   8/27/2016

This old guy is having sex with this lady when all of a sudden she hears the keys in the front door. She's says hurry you need to get out quick. He doesn't have time so he runs out the back door with his backpack. He is outside and its rainning out. He notices some sort of running race so he decides to blend in because the husband saw him running out the back door. He gets in the middle of the ...


0 Comments, 44 Views, 0 Votes
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
The Phone Call...   8/27/2016

A woman is having sex with her husband's best friend when the phone rings. It's her husband's ringtone, so she stops to pick it up. There's a big grin on her face as she talks to him. When she puts in down, she turns to her lover. "Okay, " she says. "We have lots of time to fuck. My husband's out, playing pool with you."


0 Comments, 40 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
Why and What...   8/26/2016

Q. Why is air a lot like s.e.x? A. Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Q. What is the difference between "Oooh!" and "Aaah!"? A. About three inches.


0 Comments, 14 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
Watch what you ask for   8/24/2016

Watch what you ask for

A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter.

The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.

The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches ...


0 Comments, 38 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
He didn't pay attention...   8/22/2016

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'


0 Comments, 19 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
The Complment...   8/22/2016

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'


0 Comments, 19 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
Smart ass answer...   8/22/2016

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might ht consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if ...


0 Comments, 32 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
How old guys pick up women   7/14/2016

The young man asked the senior citizen for tips on how to pick up women.

The old gentleman explained...

I am getting on in years and not the best looking guy anymore. Some would even say I'm a little frayed around the edges.

But, I have a nice car, a little money, and I spend most of my time casually traveling from place to place and enjoying life.

I met a nice ...


0 Comments, 55 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
Oy-vay   6/18/2016

A guy turns to his wife in bed and whispers, "Did you know it's National Orgasm Day?"

"Oh, what a pity, " she said, "Right in the middle of National Headache Week."


0 Comments, 26 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
Rye Bread, Or Is It Raisin???...   6/11/2016

There's Something About Rye Bread Or Is It Raisin?

Raisin Bread

A general store owner hires a young female clerk with a penchant for very short skirts. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk, and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. “I’d like some raisin bread, please, ” the man says politely.

The clerk nods and climbs up a ladder ...


0 Comments, 56 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
Sad Dick...   6/10/2016

A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.


2 Comments, 30 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
It's a Jungle...   6/10/2016

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said: "That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair." the girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister: "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiled and said: "That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas."


0 Comments, 27 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
Hard Times...   6/10/2016

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker. She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around the corner.” She’s standing there for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, “How much?” She says, “A ...


2 Comments, 65 Views, 9 Votes ,4.92 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
OMG!!!.... Noooooooo!!!   6/9/2016

He's in trouble...


0 Comments, 137 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
Sleeping with Bob   6/5/2016

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, ...


0 Comments, 44 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
Leather   6/3/2016

When a woman wears leather a man’s heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrational. Ever wonder why?

?

?

?

?

?

?

?

?

?

?

?

?

? She smells like a new truck.


0 Comments, 15 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
Potato Prostitute   6/3/2016

Two little potatoes are standing on the street corner. One is a Prostitute.

How can you tell which one is the Prostitute?

You're gonna love it...

It's the one with the little sticker that says...

I - DA - HO


0 Comments, 14 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
Military Time...   6/3/2016

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic liberal ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man.. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by ...


0 Comments, 33 Views, 0 Votes
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
Weird thoughts   5/30/2016

Everything is drive-through. In California they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a moron.

The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.

Don’t spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the ...


0 Comments, 24 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
Normal vs. Straight??   5/20/2016

Ed and Ted were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory when Ed glanced over and noticed that Ted's penis was twisted like a corkscrew.

"Blimey, " Ed said. "I've never seen one like that before."

"Like what?" Ted said.

"All twisted like a pigs tail, " Ed said.

"Well what's yours like?" Ted said.

"Well straight like normal, " Ed said.

"I ...


0 Comments, 32 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
Bubba and thr toilet brush...   5/9/2016

Bubba and the Toilet Brush

One day when Bubba and Billy Bob were in the Little Rock - Wal-Mart, they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They each bought five tickets at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.

Billy Bob won 1st place - a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra long spaghetti.

Bubba won ...


1 Comments, 40 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
All in a name..   5/9/2016

All in a name A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. 'You all have obsessions, he observed.'

To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.'

He turned to the second Mom, Ann, 'Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, ...


0 Comments, 46 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
A Dog named SEX...   5/9/2016

Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call my dog "Sex".

Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to get his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, "Id like to have one too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said I didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand, Ive had Sex since I was 9 years ...


0 Comments, 36 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
AlphaLthr 71 F
42 Articles
Score 0.0
Joe and the motorcycle...   5/9/2016

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn’t have much luck until one day, he comes across a Harley with a ‘for sale’ sign on it.

The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.

He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.

‘Well, it’s quite ...


0 Comments, 32 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
geekalicious 55 F
15 Articles
Score 0.0
It's A Mystery   3/29/2016

Contest in a girl's college: write a short story which contains religion, sex and mystery. Winner's story: "Oh god, I am pregnant, I wonder who did it."


1 Comments, 24 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
geekalicious 55 F
15 Articles
Score 0.0
Who Made the Salad?   3/29/2016

Q: What's the difference between being hungry and being horny? A: Where you put the cucumber.


0 Comments, 51 Views, 8 Votes ,3.48 Score
geekalicious 55 F
15 Articles
Score 0.0
Say Uncle   3/29/2016

If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?


0 Comments, 9 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
geekalicious 55 F
15 Articles
Score 0.0
Cracked   3/29/2016

Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend off the wall? So he could see her crack


0 Comments, 11 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
geekalicious 55 F
15 Articles
Score 0.0
Bunnies   3/29/2016

Q: Why do bunnies have soft sex? A: They have cotton balls.


1 Comments, 9 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
geekalicious 55 F
15 Articles
Score 0.0
Size Matters   3/29/2016

A guy and girl had sex poem competition. Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine." Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine"


0 Comments, 10 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
geekalicious 55 F
15 Articles
Score 0.0
Migraines   3/29/2016

A man goes to his doctor complaining about migraines. His doctor tells him, "I also suffer from the same ailment. Every time I get one, I give my wife oral sex. When she has an orgasm, she tightens her legs around my head which gets rid of the pain. You should try it sometime." Two weeks later on a return visit, the patient tells his doctor, "Your suggestion worked and I'd like to tell you that ...


0 Comments, 55 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
geekalicious 55 F
15 Articles
Score 0.0
Signs   3/29/2016

Man: "Hey baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter."


0 Comments, 7 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
geekalicious 55 F
15 Articles
Score 0.0
Eggzactly   3/29/2016

What did the egg say after he was put in a pot of boiling water? I just got laid by a chick and now I'm getting hard.


0 Comments, 4 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
geekalicious 55 F
15 Articles
Score 0.0
SSI   3/29/2016

Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know, I get a little each month, but not enough to live on.”


0 Comments, 7 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
predacious 24 F
1 Article
Score 0.0
Doggone!   3/13/2016

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog!


0 Comments, 23 Views, 8 Votes ,5.80 Score
Tigers_lil_sugar 31 F
7 Articles
Score 0.0
Lies   2/24/2016

What does Pinocchio's lover say to him? "Lie to me! Lie to me!"


1 Comments, 18 Views, 11 Votes ,5.97 Score
FuhQue2 29 F
6 Articles
Score 0.0
TEETH!   2/23/2016

An old lady went to visit her dentist. When it was her turn, she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants, and raised her legs. The dentist said, “Excuse me, but I’m not a gynecologist.” “I know, ” said the old lady. “I want you to take my husband’s teeth out.”


0 Comments, 31 Views, 17 Votes ,6.52 Score
ouch91 23 F
11 Articles
Score 0.0
BZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   2/23/2016

Q: What kind of bees make milk instead of honey?

A: Boo-bees


0 Comments, 48 Views, 15 Votes ,6.19 Score
ouch91 23 F
11 Articles
Score 0.0
M-I-C-K-E-Y!   2/23/2016

Mickey Mouse is in the middle of a nasty divorce from Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane, " said the judge. Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking Goofy!"


0 Comments, 21 Views, 11 Votes ,6.35 Score
ouch91 23 F
11 Articles
Score 0.0
Scientific Proof!   2/23/2016

Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.


0 Comments, 24 Views, 10 Votes ,5.97 Score
ouch91 23 F
11 Articles
Score 0.0
Shopping Bag!   2/23/2016

A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. "Do you want a bag?" the cashier asks. "No, " the guy says, "she's not that ugly."


0 Comments, 15 Views, 8 Votes ,6.26 Score
ouch91 23 F
11 Articles
Score 0.0
Little Blue Pills!   2/23/2016

A little boy with diarrhea tells his mom that he needs Viagra. The mom asks, "Why on Earth do you need that?!" The little boy says, "Isn't that what you give daddy when his sh*t doesn't get hard?"


0 Comments, 19 Views, 9 Votes ,6.42 Score
ouch91 23 F
11 Articles
Score 0.0
Like A Rock!   2/23/2016

Women are like rocks. They're only cool after they get wet.


0 Comments, 11 Views, 8 Votes ,5.10 Score
ouch91 23 F
11 Articles
Score 0.0
Vagina Monolouges!   2/23/2016

What did the left pussy lip say to the right pussy lip?

"We used to be really tight until you let that dick come between us."


0 Comments, 14 Views, 9 Votes ,5.78 Score
ouch91 23 F
11 Articles
Score 0.0
Gyno!   2/23/2016

A gynecologist notices that a new patient is nervous. While putting on the latex gloves, he asks her if she knows how they make latex gloves. The patient says no. The doctor says, "There is a plant in Mexico full of latex that people of various hand sizes dip their hands into and let them dry. She does not crack a smile, but later she laughs. The doctor says, "What's so funny?" She says, "I'm ...


0 Comments, 39 Views, 12 Votes ,6.33 Score
ouch91 23 F
11 Articles
Score 0.0
Stiffed!   2/23/2016

An old couple is ready to go to sleep. The old man lies on the bed but the old woman lies down on the floor. The old man asks, ''Why are you going to sleep on the floor?'' The old woman says, "Because I want to feel something hard for a change."


0 Comments, 13 Views, 9 Votes ,6.20 Score
ouch91 23 F
11 Articles
Score 0.0
Ask Mom!   2/23/2016

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your mother.


0 Comments, 11 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
ouch91 23 F
11 Articles
Score 0.0
Explain That!   2/23/2016

A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" ...


0 Comments, 16 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
fantzpantz 28 F
5 Articles
Score 0.0
Oh my!   2/17/2016

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.


0 Comments, 16 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
FuhQue2 29 F
6 Articles
Score 0.0
Yum Yum!   2/17/2016

What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown?



Does this taste funny to you?


0 Comments, 14 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
Tigers_lil_sugar 31 F
7 Articles
Score 0.0
One Pill Makes You Smaller   2/16/2016

Woman: Can I get Viagra here?

Pharmacist: Yes.

Woman: Can I get it over the counter?

Pharmacist: If you give me two of them, you can


0 Comments, 16 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Tigers_lil_sugar 31 F
7 Articles
Score 0.0
Impotence   2/16/2016

Schhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhwing and a miss!


0 Comments, 5 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Tigers_lil_sugar 31 F
7 Articles
Score 0.0
Be Careful What You Wish For   2/16/2016

This guy's walking along the beach when he kicks a bottle. Much to his surprise, a genie flies out. "Oh master, " it declaims, "your wish is my command."

Great, thinks the guy, his chance has finally come! "Genie, " he demands, "give me a cock that touches the floor." Whereupon both his legs fell off.


0 Comments, 13 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Tigers_lil_sugar 31 F
7 Articles
Score 0.0
Penis Envy   2/16/2016

A guy walks into a bar with his horse and offers $100 to anybody who can make the horse laugh. Only one guy says he can do it, and he whispers something in the horse's ear. Sure enough, the horse laughs his head off.

So the following week, the guy is back in the bar with his horse again, but his time he offers $200 to anyone who can make the horse cry. The same guy comes up to him, then ...


0 Comments, 32 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Tigers_lil_sugar 31 F
7 Articles
Score 0.0
Your Nuts!   2/16/2016

A guy walks INTO a psychiatrist's office covered only in Saran Wrap. He says to the doctor, "I've felt so weird lately, Doc, can you tell me what's wrong?"

The doctor replied, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts!"


0 Comments, 11 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Tigers_lil_sugar 31 F
7 Articles
Score 0.0
RIP   2/16/2016

A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closed. Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter. The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?" "I was ...


0 Comments, 22 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score