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Blowjobs 4/13/2018
A husband comes home to find his wife packing a suitcase
<br><br>
"Where are you going?" He asked <br><br>
"Las Vegas" she said' " You can get
$400 for a blowjob there, so i figured i would get paid for
something i give you for free" <br><br>
"Hold on" He said " im coming too, i want
to see you survive on only ...
1 Comments,
20 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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Disappointed 4/9/2018
A teacher asked her 6th grade class: “Who can tell me,
which human organ becomes 10 times bigger when it’s stimulated?”
<br><br>
Maria stood up, bright red and angry, and said “How can
you ask such a question? I’m telling my parents and they’re
going to get you fired!” <br><br>
The teacher was shocked by the outburst, but decided to
ignore it. She asked the ...
1 Comments,
33 Views,
9 Votes
,2.57 Score
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A drover in the Northern Territories 4/8/2018
A Drover walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side.
<br><br>
He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished
patrons. 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open
this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside.
<br><br>
Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute. <br><br>
'Then he'll open his mouth and I'll ...
0 Comments,
15 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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Good Ears 3/28/2018
A young man moved into his first new apartment on his own,
and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While
there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment
next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe. The boy smiled at
the young woman and she started a conversation with him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious
that she had nothing else on. The poor broke into ...
1 Comments,
45 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
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:P pointless 3/15/2018
Baka la a derka derka
1 Comments,
6 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
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Vanilla Pudding Robbery 3/13/2018
This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article
which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery
on March 2. Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts
at disabling the security system got underway immediately.
The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes
filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see
hundreds of smaller safes ...
0 Comments,
32 Views,
9 Votes
,4.07 Score
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Secret to marriage 3/12/2018
There was a couple who were married for 20 years, and every
time they had sex the husband always insisted on shutting
off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was
stupid. She figured she would break him of the crazy habit. So one
night, while they were in the middle of doing it, she turned
on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding
a dildo. ...
0 Comments,
24 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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TWO STRINGS 3/6/2018
These two strings walk up to a bar. The first string walks
in and orders and the bartender throws him out and yells
"I don't serve strings in this bar..."
<br><br>
The other string ruffs himself up on the street and curls
up and orders... The bartender shouts, "Hey, didn't
you hear what I told your buddy?" <br><br>
String says "Yeah." ...
0 Comments,
28 Views,
8 Votes
,2.32 Score
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A LITTLE BRITISH HUMOUR 3/5/2018
The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the
entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left
was taken by a well> dressed, middle-aged, French
woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may
I have that seat?' The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular
'Americans> are so rude. My little Fifi is using
that seat.' The ...
1 Comments,
35 Views,
10 Votes
,4.78 Score
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The Vicar's Salary. 3/2/2018
The local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger
congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within
the congregation. No one wants him to leave. <br><br>
Mike Smith, who owns several car dealerships, stands up
and proclaims: 'If the Vicar stays, I will provide
him with a new Mercedes every year and his wife with a Honda
mini-van to transport their !' ...
1 Comments,
32 Views,
6 Votes
,1.94 Score
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Chicken Sandwich 2/25/2018
Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what.....
<br><br>
A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and
became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They
discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all
through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't
a chicken ...
0 Comments,
34 Views,
11 Votes
,3.54 Score
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Toys 2/24/2018
What do boobs and toys have in common? <br><br>
They were both originally made for , but daddies end
up playing with them.
0 Comments,
7 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Mice 2/18/2018
Mice How Many Mice Does It Take To Screw In A Light Bulb? <br><br>
Now, wait a minute, before you scroll down for the answer, see if you can figure this out. Come on... Think about it! How many? <br><br>
All right, if you think you're really ready to give up... <br><br>
but you're going to be very embarrassed.. <br><br>
<br><br> ...
1 Comments,
25 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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Frank 2/17/2018
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going
by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect
timing. You're just like Frank.' Passenger: 'Who?' Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything
right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed
a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every
single time.' Passenger: ...
0 Comments,
26 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
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Truth 2/16/2018
A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences
between the sexes, and which one is better. <br><br>
Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s
something I have that you’ll never have!” <br><br>
The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly
true, and runs home crying. <br><br>
A while later, she comes running back with ...
0 Comments,
18 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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Math class 2/14/2018
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't
paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three
ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are
left?" <br><br>
Johnny says, "None." <br><br>
The teacher asks, "Why?" <br><br>
Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." ...
1 Comments,
19 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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Primark Catalogue 2/9/2018
Two Thanetians were looking at a Primark Catalog and admiring the Models. <br><br>
One says to the other, 'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this Catalog?'
<br><br>
The second one replies, 'Yes, they are very beautiful.
And look at the price!' The first one says, with wide eyes, 'Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying ...
0 Comments,
25 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
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Crosses 2/8/2018
What do you get if you cross a bullet and a tree with no leaves?
A cartridge in a bare tree. <br><br>
What would you get if you crossed a bat with a lly hearts
club? Lots of blind dates. <br><br>
What would you get if you crossed a donkey with an owl? A smart
ass which knows it all. <br><br>
What would you get if you crossed a mole with a porcupine?
A tunnel ...
1 Comments,
17 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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Apples 2/6/2018
A bus driver and a doctor were in love with the same women
<br><br>
The bus driver had to leave for week and before he left he gave is love 7 apples
1 Comments,
23 Views,
5 Votes
,0.53 Score
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A smart blonde! 2/1/2018
A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute
blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move.
"You know, " he says, "I've heard
that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation
with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly
and says to the guy, "What would you like to ...
2 Comments,
40 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Three Little Pigs 2/1/2018
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter
came and took their drink order. <br><br>
'I would like a Sprite, ' said the first little
piggy. <br><br>
<br><br>
! 'I would like a Coke, ' said the second little
piggy. <br><br>
'I want beer, lots and lots of beer, ' said the
third little piggy. ...
3 Comments,
32 Views,
6 Votes
,2.23 Score
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Date Site Descriptions 1/31/2018
You might find this amusing. Dating Site Deriptions
What they Really MEAN: !!!! <br><br>
Female: Adventurous = puts the book down during sex, .
Athletic = No breasts, 30 something = 41, Fun =Annoying,
Wild = gets pissed easily, Beautiful eyes = face like a robbers
dog, Seeks knight in sinning armour = Ex is a fxxxing nutter.,
New age = hairy and smelly bits, A bit head strong ...
1 Comments,
21 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
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Doctors Never Laugh 1/31/2018
Bob went to a doctor and asked him if he ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor replied 'Of course I won't laugh, I'm
a professional. In over twenty I've never laughed
at a patient.' 'Okay then, ' Bob said, and proceeded to drop
his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'whoo-ha'
the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA ...
0 Comments,
17 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
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Office Showoff 1/29/2018
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had
just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with
antiques. He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear
the hot shot, the businessman picked up the ph and started
to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures
around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, ''Can
I ...
0 Comments,
24 Views,
4 Votes
,1.30 Score
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gissa a job 1/29/2018
This will go far... This is an actual job application that a 17-year-old boy
submitted at a McDonald's restaurant in Florida;
and they hired him because he was so hst and funny! NAME: Greg Bulmash. SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person. DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President.
But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a
position to be picky, I ...
0 Comments,
14 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
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Maxims 1/22/2018
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Two wrongs are only the beginning. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have
to catch up. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Change is inevitable except from vending machines. Get a new car ...
0 Comments,
19 Views,
5 Votes
,2.16 Score
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North Carolina mountain man was drafted by the Army 1/22/2018
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain
man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training,
the Army issued him a comb That afternoon the Army barber sheared
off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On
the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been ...
0 Comments,
29 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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Spelling..... 1/21/2018
Thought you’d like this: Rearrange the letters to spell
out an important part of the human body that is more useful
when erect! <br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
P N E S I <br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br> ...
0 Comments,
20 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
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A mental hospital 1/19/2018
After hearing that of the patients in a mental hospital
had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him
out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the reuer's
file and ed him into his office. <br><br>
"Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior
indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only
sorry that the man you saved later killed himself ...
0 Comments,
15 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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Two Scots 1/18/2018
ots, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub diussing
Jock's forthcoming wedding. 'Ach, it's all going grand, ' says Jock.
'I've got everything organised already: the
flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings,
the minister, even ma stag night... Archie nods approvingly. 'Havens, I've even
bought a kilt to be married in!' continues Jock. 'A ...
0 Comments,
20 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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