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What's the difference......again 1/7/2013
What's the difference between a blowjob and anal sex
?
A blowjob will make your day, but anal sex will make your
hole weak !
0 Comments,
95 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
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Little Johnnie learns about construction 1/5/2013
One day little Johnnie was being such at
terror at home his mother suggested that he go out next door
and watch them build the new house.
After several hours Johnnie returned home. His mother
asked him what he learned.
He told her he watch them put up a door an started to describe
in detail how to get the door into place.
First you put up the damn door ...
0 Comments,
84 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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Sexual harassment... 12/10/2012
Might be an old one, but I still think it's funny...
Girl comes to the boss saying her co-worker sexually harasses
her every morning. "Why, what does he do?" the
boss asks.
"Every morning he walks past me he tells me how good
my hair smells."
Boss: "I'm not sure that this constitutes sexual
harassment."
Girl: "He's a midget!"
0 Comments,
81 Views,
0 Votes
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suck me dry 9/17/2012
You laid on my naked body and applied your mouth to me without
guilt or humiliation. You drove me near crazy while you
drained me. Today when I awoke, you were gone. I searched
for you but to no avail. Only the sheets bore witness to last
night's events. My body still bears marks of your ravishing,
making it all the more difficult to forget you. Tonight,
I will remain awake, waiting for you, you ...
1 Comments,
157 Views,
11 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Vacation 5/24/2012
A man returns from a vacation and talks to a friend.
" They were really poor, outside a building I saw a
woman with the writing 'blowjob for food' The
friend asks if he did it " Are you crazy? Sticking my
cock in the mouth of a starving womans mouth?"
0 Comments,
95 Views,
26 Votes
,4.54 Score
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Tech Support 3/18/2012
Subject: Tech Support issue Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes
to the accounting software; severely limiting access
to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that had
operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of
this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
In ...
1 Comments,
95 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
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watch out for the old Ladies... 3/18/2012
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging
two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags
was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the
sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am,
there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady.
"I'd better go back and see if I ...
1 Comments,
150 Views,
14 Votes
,4.58 Score
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Dracula at Halloween 3/6/2012
Halloween is Dracula's favorite holiday. He loves
used, dirty, bloody, soiled tampons. What does Dracula
do with used tampons? Tea bags!
0 Comments,
47 Views,
0 Votes
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New drink "Bin Laden" 3/6/2012
The new drink "Bin Laden" is available. It's two straight shots, and a splash of water.
0 Comments,
77 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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what are you doing daddy? 3/2/2012
Little boy walks in adn sees his daddy looking down, putting
on a condom. He asks what are you doing daddy? Father looks desperately around and says Looking for a
mouse. Why, are you going to fuck it?
0 Comments,
221 Views,
6 Votes
,1.66 Score
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Rejection by Dom 2/7/2012
Dear [____rejectee' s name here_____], Sir: I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from
further contention as my perfect Master. As You are probably aware,
the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified
candidates such as Yourself also failed to make the final
cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become
available. So that You may find ...
1 Comments,
63 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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A motorist was mailed a picture .. 11/10/2011
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through
an automated radar post. A $40 speeding ticket was included.
<br>
Being cute, he sent the police department .. a picture of
two 20 dollar bills ..
<br>
A few days later he got another picture in the mail .. this
one was of some handcuffs ...
0 Comments,
88 Views,
77 Votes
,4.04 Score
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Uses Of Vaseline 11/10/2011
Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much
luck until, one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for
sale' sign on it. The bike seems even better than a new
one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute
mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller
how
he kept it in such great condition for 10 years. "Well,
it's quite simple, really, " says the ...
2 Comments,
449 Views,
33 Votes
,7.19 Score
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drunk man 7/31/2011
An English joke A drunk man wins the jackpot on the fruit machine in his local
pub, he is so drunk he can hardly pick up the 20pence coins
scattered everywhere. The barman gives him a plastic bag
and they both put all the coins in. He carries the heavy bag
back home but on putting the key in the lock he drops the bag.
He is too drunk to pick them up so he leaves them there and
goes to bed. The ...
3 Comments,
117 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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Little Johnny 7/13/2011
Little Johnny was in class when the teacher asked the following
question: "If there were 5 birds in a tree, and a farmer
shot one, how many would be left?" 
Little Johnny shot up his hand and responded "None".
The teacher correcting him noted that 5 minus 1 equals 4.
Johnny replied "But the other birds would have been
scared by the gunshot and flew off". The teacher looked
at Johnny ...
1 Comments,
197 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Only if it's raining 6/24/2011
A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work.
One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror,
she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh My God - Hurry! Grab your clothes, " she
yelled to her lover. "And jump out the window. My husband's
home early!"
I can't jump out the window!" came the strangled
reply from beneath the sheets. "It's ...
3 Comments,
370 Views,
14 Votes
,5.70 Score
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Sexism in Bibical Times 6/5/2011
Man was walking in the Garden of Eden with God, and man said, ”
God you are so much greater than I, couldn’t you make me
somebody like myself as a playmate?” And God told Addam
to go to sleep. So Addam went to sleep and God took Addams’s
rib and made him Evea. Addam saw Evea when he woke up and they
went off into a cave and had intercourse for a week solid.
Then Addam turned to Evea and ...
0 Comments,
66 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
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step on the bus 5/25/2011
>During the afternoon rush at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful
young woman was waiting for the bus.
>She was decked out in a tight leather miniskirt with
matching tight leather boots and jacket.
>As the bus rolled to a stop, she got her place in line.
When it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt
was too tight to allow her enough slack to raise her leg high ...
0 Comments,
118 Views,
9 Votes
,4.07 Score
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A fart 5/25/2011
A fart is a pleasant thing, It gives the belly ease, It warms the bed in winter, And suffocates the fleas.
A fart can be quiet, A fart can be loud, Some leave a powerful, Poisonous cloud
A fart can be short, Or a fart can be long, Some farts have been known To sound like a song......
A fart can create A most curious medley, A fart can be harmless, Or silent, and deadly. ...
0 Comments,
45 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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11 husbands ....just had to share 5/1/2011
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously
divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told
her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a
virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom, "How
can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he
kept telling me how great it was going to be.
"Husband #2 was in ...
3 Comments,
341 Views,
13 Votes
,6.16 Score
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Top Ten Secrets to a Bigger Wider Penis Guaranteed To Win The Praise of Alt Women Everywhere 2/25/2011
1. Buy better porn.
2. Go to the fun house.
3. Steal photos from the internet.
4. Strapons are available for men.
5. Take photography classes and buy a wide angle lens.
6. Bribe the optometrist next time you take her for new eyeglasses.
7. Perfect the sly cell camera shot so next time you’re in
the locker room you can capture the one you ...
1 Comments,
87 Views,
7 Votes
,3.80 Score
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Intercom System 2/21/2011
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about
to kiss each other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a little
horny.
With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against
the wall and, smiling, he says to her,
2 Comments,
65 Views,
4 Votes
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Attorneys 2/21/2011
__________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you ...
2 Comments,
79 Views,
9 Votes
,4.49 Score
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Spacewoman! 12/11/2010
Q. Why haven't we put a woman on the moon? A. Because
it doesn't need cleaning!
0 Comments,
12 Views,
2 Votes
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The Chili At A Diner 11/20/2010
A man goes into a cafe and sits down. A waitress comes to take
his order, and he asks her,
2 Comments,
114 Views,
5 Votes
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The perfect day - Her and His versions of 11/12/2010
the perfect day - her and his versions of
The Perfect Day - Her
8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses 9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale
9:30 Light Breakfast 11:00 Sunbathe 12:30 Lunch with best
friend at outdoor cafe 1:45 Shopping 2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's
ex and notice she's gained 30 lbs 3:00 Facial, massage, nap 7:30
Candlelight dinner for two and dancing 10:00 Make love ...
1 Comments,
70 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
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golf 11/12/2010
A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of
course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through
the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now
we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize
and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'
So the couple walked up to the house and ...
2 Comments,
182 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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This will make you smile 11/9/2010
One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and
dies.
He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting
for him.
"I don't know what to do here, " says the
devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you.
You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what
I'm going to do. I've got a few folks here who weren't
quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them ...
1 Comments,
89 Views,
0 Votes
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sicktionary 11/8/2010
1. gmail - a chainmail in the form of a gstring. wearing it
makes you look like you have been given a wedgie while you
are wearing a metallic gstring. its also the name of the
mail service provided by google
2. iPiss - latest in apple mobile technology, includes
a portable urinal where u can piss on the go. its also filipino
for
2 Comments,
18 Views,
0 Votes
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Celery Spankin !! 10/3/2010
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive
woman waving at him.
She says hello.
He's rather taken back because he can't place
where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father
of one of my ."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been
unfaithful to his wife and ...
2 Comments,
258 Views,
14 Votes
,6.50 Score
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