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Warning! 5/18/2008
There's a group of religious crackpots going around
knocking on doors spreading their message.
They're telling everyone that brown bread is better
than white bread.
Apparantly, they're from the Hovis Witnesses!
2 Comments,
104 Views,
6 Votes
,0.23 Score
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Sex in the lounge. 5/15/2008
Wifey came out of the kitchen and into the living room and
said to her husband, "Come on, let's make love."
So they got down to it and after the critical moment had passed,
the wife went back into the kitchen.
Her husband followed his wife into the kitchen and said,
"Wow! That sure was something different and totally
unexpected. You must have been feeling really horny." ...
1 Comments,
112 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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Three Degrees 5/9/2008
What do you call The Three Degrees when they're feeling
sexy? >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Wet
Wet Wet
1 Comments,
67 Views,
3 Votes
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Hide and Seek 5/7/2008
What do men have in common with Hide and Seek and love making?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
After about a minute they shout out, "I'm comming
ready or not!"
0 Comments,
59 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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6 months left to live. 4/22/2008
A couple were at the doctors.
The husband had been undergoing a series of tests and it
was now the time for the Doctor to give the results.
The Doctor says, "I'm sorry to inform you but
your condition is very grave. In fact it's terminal
and you've only got six months left to live."
The husband crumbled and was obviously very distressed
and started crying.
His ...
3 Comments,
136 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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Albert & Anes 4/22/2008
Albert & Agnes were an "item" at the old
folks where they lived.
Every morning Agnes would go into Albert's room where
Albert would be lying on top of his bed waiting her arrival.
She would sit beside his bed and hold onto his penis while
they chatted about things.
The staff at the home knew this was going on but left them
to it as it kept them both occupied.
However, ...
0 Comments,
94 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Scousers 4/22/2008
Why are the Scousers always depressed? > > > > > > > > >: > > > > The light at the end of the tunnel is Birkenhead!
0 Comments,
62 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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Last Hours 4/21/2008
An old boy was lying on his deathbed nearing his end. His
time was measured in hours not days. As he lay, the smell of fresh baked cookies that his wife
was making wafted upstairs. He so desparately wanted one more of his wife's cookies
before his end came, and so, summoning all his strength
he pulled himself out of his sick-bed, crawled across the
bedroom floor and slithered down the stairs to ...
0 Comments,
96 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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Housekeeper 3/22/2008
I married a housekeeper.
We got a divorce.
She kept the house!
0 Comments,
61 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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What did you do all day? 3/17/2008
A man came home from work and found his three outside,
still In their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty Food boxes
and wrappers Strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open, as was The front
door to the house And there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding Into the
entry, he found An even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked Over,
and the throw rug was Wadded ...
1 Comments,
146 Views,
9 Votes
,5.35 Score
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Oscar 3/16/2008
Oscar was new to the school, and it was his senior year.Oscar
always found that people made fun of him, and it was ruff
to fit in.He had a lot of physical changes that summer.So
it was quite nice that by graduation time he was a big hit
at school, or at least the girls.So it was no surprise when
all the girls got up and started singing his now theme song
when the principal called out "Mr. ...
0 Comments,
78 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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One man 3 drinks 1/30/2008
A stranger walks into a bar and asks for 3 shots of bourbon
in single glass's.
He drinks all 3 very slowly pays and leaves.
This goes on for about 2 months, the barman says to him one
night why do you not have all the drinks in one glass.
The strangaer says he is from a far away place, the 3 drinks
are, one for himself, and the other 2 for his younger twin
brothers, ...
0 Comments,
128 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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doctor doctor 1/30/2008
A man goes to the doctors, he says `doctor I think ive broke
my arm in several places` doctor says, `well dont go to them places then`
0 Comments,
54 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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jonnyjoke 1/30/2008
two black guys chatting about condoms, one says, `whats
the nipple on the end for`. the other says, `thats to put your foot on when your taking
them off`
T
0 Comments,
64 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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A very vain man 1/30/2008
A very vain man died and his widow was making the funeral
arrangements. She was concerned that his toupe might become
dislodge during the viewing at the chapel of rest before
the funeral, and expressed such concerns to the undertaker.
The undertaker re-assured the grieving widow by saying,
"Don't worry madam, we'll make sure that
his toupe will not become dislodged." All went well with both the ...
0 Comments,
100 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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BLOTCH TEST 1/26/2008
This guy goes to a phyciatrist, with the complaint of an
ailment, the doctor proceeds to show several "ink
blotches" and tells the man give his first impression
of each, w/the first, the man says, "it reminds me
of women's tits" the second one "looked
like a women's ass, " the third blotch reminded
him "of a pussy." the doctor said, "damm
your'e sick." the patient's reply was,
I'm sick, your'e ...
0 Comments,
139 Views,
7 Votes
,2.53 Score
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in a bar 1/26/2008
A goes into a bar and orders a double bourbon, the bar
man says " Whats with the long face " ?
0 Comments,
108 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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Proposed Definitions for Alt Checklist Fetishes 1/11/2008
Age Play – A rare form of role play where men try to act their
age. It’s almost impossible to maintain more than very
brief periods of time.
Ass Play - Engaging in conversation with certain personality
types that rear their head.
Biting – An activity usually attributed to remarks some
women exchange with one another.
Blood Play - The escalated result of said ...
0 Comments,
137 Views,
15 Votes
,5.58 Score
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Nun in Bath 12/14/2007
A young novice nun is having a bath at the convent, there
is a knock at the door, sh2 cries out in a fluster "Q
who who is it ", a mans voice responds " Its the
blind man from the village ". Thank good ness she thinks
" come in ".
In he walks and says " Nice breasts which window do
you want this blind fitted too "
1 Comments,
162 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
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Tennis Elbow 12/12/2007
One day, John's tennis elbow was acting up and he decided
to stop in and see a doctor. When he got to the doctor's
office the nurse told him he could see the doctor in 15 minutes
but, first he'd have to give a urine sample. John said
that this was absurd but, the nurse insisted and John complied.
15 minutes later, John was ushered in to see the doctor.
"So that tennis elbow is really ...
2 Comments,
151 Views,
7 Votes
,3.80 Score
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A BAD DAY AT THE PARK 11/21/2007
A guy was walkin through the park, when he came across a stranger
with his ear pressed against a tree while he was hugging
the tree with his arms. So he asked "whatcha doin, "
the first guy's reply was I'm listening to the
music the tree is makeing. wanna try it?" The second
guy says "sure". He no sooner gets his arms around
the tree, when the stranger slaps a pair of handcuffs on
both of his ...
2 Comments,
193 Views,
12 Votes
,5.45 Score
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Stupid joke 11/17/2007
Why did the shetland pony lose his voice?
He was a little hoarse!
0 Comments,
56 Views,
4 Votes
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a laugh does a body good 11/12/2007
During a good manners and etiquette class being held for
young , the teacher says to her students:
“If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent
family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the
toilet, what would you say to her?”
Mike replies: “Wait a minute, I’m going for a piss.”
The teacher says: “That would be very rude and ...
1 Comments,
121 Views,
8 Votes
,5.10 Score
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Sex in Alaska 11/7/2007
Two guys meet for the first time at LA airport, they have
both just got divorved.
Over a few drinks they agree they will goto Alaska to get
away from everything and start a fresh.
They get to Alaska, and visit a store where they tell the
store keeper they wante enough supplies for 2 men for a full
12 months. He tells them to come back in 2 days. When they
return they pick up the ...
2 Comments,
196 Views,
12 Votes
,2.27 Score
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Bovine Chaos...Udder Madness...you have a cow and add one more..... 11/1/2007
SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives
you some milk.
FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells
you some milk.
NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots
you.
BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots
one, milks the ...
4 Comments,
182 Views,
14 Votes
,5.06 Score
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a blonde joke 10/15/2007
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come
over here and help me. >> >> >>I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't
figure out how to get it started." >> >> >>Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed
to be when it's finished?" >> >> >>The blonde says, "According to the picture
on the box, it's a tiger." >> >> >>Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with
the puzzle. She lets him in ...
0 Comments,
94 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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Dubya 9/29/2007
I've posted this one before, but it's still funny.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving President Bush his daily briefing
on the Iraq war.
He concludes by saying, "Yesterday, three Brazilian
soldiers were killed."
"Oh no!" the President exclaims. "That's
terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously
watching as the President sits, head ...
0 Comments,
116 Views,
14 Votes
,5.38 Score
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Stupid joke 9/15/2007
What is the technical term for a lesbian sex change operation?
A Strapadicktomy!
0 Comments,
102 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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smaller lips 9/11/2007
One day a lady goes to the cosmetic surgeon and says she'd
like to have a labia reduction. She tells the doctor she'd
like to keep it VERY private. The doctor assures her all
procedures are confidential and he won't tell a soul.
Immediately following the successful operation, the
lady wakes up to find 3 roses at the foot of her bed. She presses
the button to summon the doctor and tells ...
1 Comments,
388 Views,
21 Votes
,4.73 Score
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crude sex joke 9/7/2007
Q What do a Rubix and a penis have in common? A The longer you
play with them, the harder they get!
1 Comments,
90 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
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