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Things aren't always what they appear to be. 6/16/2008 I struck lucky one night. I was in a bar and after a good few drinks I copped off with this woman and we went back to her place to spend the night together. The next morning as we we 0 Comments, 83 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Here's one for the ladies 5/24/2008 What's that useless bit of skin at the end of a penis called? 0 Comments, 77 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Here's one for the ladies 5/23/2008 What's that useless bit of skin at the end of a penis called? A man! 0 Comments, 53 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Cheese 5/22/2008 A bloke walks into the corner shop to buy a pound of cheese. However he was troubled with a particularly bad stammer and by the time he'd finished asking for the cheese the shop was full of c 0 Comments, 72 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Brits only please! 5/19/2008 The NHS has announced that all the sperm banks in London and Manchester will not be able to get any sperm donations for the next seven days. All the wankers will be in Moscow! 0 Comments, 55 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Rollerblading 5/19/2008 Q. What's the hardest thing about rollerblading? A. Telling your parents that you're gay! 0 Comments, 64 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Body World 5/16/2008 I've decided to donate my body, obviously after I've died, to that Dr Gunther von Haagen. You know the fellow? He's the one who skins and then plasticises corpses and puts on exhibit 0 Comments, 41 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Warning! 5/13/2008 There's a group of religious crackpots going around knocking on doors spreading their message. They're telling everyone that brown bread is better than white bread. Apparantly, they' 0 Comments, 104 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Three Degrees 5/9/2008 What do you call The Three Degrees when they're feeling sexy? >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 0 Comments, 67 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Sex in the lounge. 5/4/2008 Wifey came out of the kitchen and into the living room and said to her husband, "Come on, let's make love." So they got down to it and after the critical moment had passed, the wife went back 0 Comments, 112 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Hide and Seek 5/4/2008 What do men have in common with Hide and Seek and love making? >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 0 Comments, 59 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Afghanistan 5/3/2008 A journalist who had been covering the situation in Afghanistan under the Taliban had learned that among other things, the Afghan woman particularly hated having to wear the Burkka, and they also hate 0 Comments, 70 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Only a Brit will get this one!!!! 5/3/2008 An Austrian journalist was asking a neighbour of the Fritzl's about Fritzl's Alice. The neighbour replied, "Alice? Alice? Who the fuck is Alice? For twenty four years I've been living next door to Al 0 Comments, 56 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Bank Robber 5/2/2008 A gunman robbed a bank, and after he got the money he went up to a woman in the bank and said, "Did you see who robbed this bank?" The woman said, "Yes." So the robber shot her dead. The robber then w 0 Comments, 64 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Psychologist 4/26/2008 A couple were holding a dinner party for several guests, but annoyingly their just wouldn't stay upstairs in their rooms. After several attempts by the parents to take the back upstairs, they simply 0 Comments, 65 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Penis 4/22/2008 What's the first thing that comes out of a penis when a man has sex? > > > > The wrinkles! 0 Comments, 114 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Scousers 4/20/2008 Why are the Scousers always depressed? > > > > > > > > >: > > > > The light at the end of the tunnel is Birkenhead! 0 Comments, 62 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Albert & Anes 3/23/2008 Albert & Agnes were an "item" at the old folks where they lived. Every morning Agnes would go into Albert's room where Albert would be lying on top of his bed waiting her arrival. She would s 0 Comments, 94 Views, 0 Votes | |
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6 months left to live. 3/23/2008 A couple were at the doctors. The husband had been undergoing a series of tests and it was now the time for the Doctor to give the results. The Doctor says, "I'm sorry to inform you 0 Comments, 136 Views, 0 Votes | |
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It's Easter Again 3/17/2008 It was the Last Supper and Jesus said to Mathew, "Mathew, was it you that betrayed me?" And Mathew sayeth, "No Lord and Master, it was not me who betrayed you." Jesus said, "Mathew, thou art verily a 0 Comments, 44 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Easter 3/16/2008 Why did Jesus die on the cross? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > He forgot his safe word! 0 Comments, 108 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Bad Luck 2/27/2008 Talk about bad luck, I went to a funeral the other day and I caught the bouquet! 0 Comments, 72 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Last Hours 2/25/2008 An old boy was lying on his deathbed nearing his end. His time was measured in hours not days. As he lay, the smell of fresh baked cookies that his wife was making wafted upstairs. He so desparately w 0 Comments, 96 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A very vain man 1/27/2008 A very vain man died and his widow was making the funeral arrangements. She was concerned that his toupe might become dislodge during the viewing at the chapel of rest before the funeral, and expresse 0 Comments, 100 Views, 0 Votes | |
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A load of Arse 10/4/2007 (_!_) Regular Arse (__!__) Fat Arse (!) Tight Arse (_&_) Sore Arse (_0_) Well Used Arse (_e=mc2_) Smart Arse < 0 Comments, 24 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Google 9/2/2007 A man and woman were having an argument about which gender was better. They decided that whoever had more inventions to their gender's name would take the crown. The female, being the smarter 0 Comments, 128 Views, 0 Votes | |
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QANTAS 8/28/2007 Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every fligh 0 Comments, 66 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Dubya 8/20/2007 I've posted this one before, but it's still funny. Donald Rumsfeld is giving President Bush his daily briefing on the Iraq war. He concludes by saying, "Yesterday, three Bra 0 Comments, 116 Views, 0 Votes | |
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I pinched this one from AdultFriendFinder 8/13/2007 A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock at the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3:30 in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time, " he thinks, and rolls ov 0 Comments, 196 Views, 0 Votes | |
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For those who love the philosophy of ambiguity 8/7/2007 1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.... 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes 0 Comments, 70 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Soldier and the Nun 8/5/2007 A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later." The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, Sister, have 0 Comments, 145 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Scousers! 7/15/2007 Scousers Vs Manks One morning, years ago, three Scousers and three Manks were in a ticket counter line at a train station. The three Manks each bought a ticket and watched as the three Scouse 0 Comments, 129 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Blow job 7/8/2007 A Scouser was sat in a pub having a drink in his home town, when in minces a gay boy. The gay boy takes a shine to the scouser and after a few drinks getting up dutch courage, he minces over to the sc 0 Comments, 146 Views, 0 Votes | |
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You are what you eat. 6/19/2007 They say that you are what you eat. I must be a right cunt! 0 Comments, 68 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Don't Torture Yourself 5/22/2006 One day my sub kept emailing me begging me for correction. I was so busy on that particular day that I simply just didn't have the time. After receiving her eighth email I sent her a reply telling 0 Comments, 88 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Pondering 5/18/2006 I would like to get the other members’ opinion on this one. I’ve been into this lifestyle for some time now, but out of necessity I have kept it to myself. In fact if any of my relatives, frien 0 Comments, 106 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Bonsai 4/1/2006 Some friends of mine started growing and selling Bonzai Trees. Things were going so well that they're looking for a smaller place! 0 Comments, 158 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Complete 2/14/2006 They say that a man is not complete until he's married ............. then he's finished. 0 Comments, 184 Views, 0 Votes | |
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First Sexual Encounter 1/29/2006 A young lad in his early teens was late coming home from school. His father started shouting at him demanding to know what the hell he thinks he's doing causing concern for his mother by being so l 0 Comments, 137 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Cleaner (Part 2) 12/12/2005 The door to get into my place, is as you might imagine, at the front of my house in what would have been a bay window if it was at ground level. As soon as you open the door, you are in my office 0 Comments, 419 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Cleaner (Part 1) 12/12/2005 After I split with my last "ex", I moved back to the house that I own. It's a large Victorian building that I've split into four apartments, my office being in the basement. But, as the other 0 Comments, 498 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Bus driver 12/10/2005 I used to be a long distance luxury bus driver. Once I did a private hire for a party of fetishists. They became a bit of a nuisance because they kept wanting me to stop the bus so that they coul 0 Comments, 1043 Views, 0 Votes | |
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What the butler saw 10/29/2005 Her Ladyship goes into her butler's living quarters and says, "James, take my dress off for me!" "Very well your Ladyship." "James, take my suspenders and stockings off for me!" "Very well y 0 Comments, 134 Views, 0 Votes | |
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His Lordship 10/9/2005 His Lordship has got a butler by the name of Worral. One day His Lordship says to Worral, "Worral, prepare my bath!" On completion of this task, Worral announces to His Lordship, "Your bath awai 0 Comments, 101 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Sssssomething Sssssilly 10/8/2005 A baby snake goes upto his momma and asks, "Mommy snake, are we poisonous snakes?" "Why darling?" "I've just bit my tongue!" 0 Comments, 159 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Dubya 10/6/2005 Donald Rumsfeld is giving President Bush his daily briefing on the Iraq war. He concludes by saying, "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed." "Oh no!" the President exclaims. "That' 0 Comments, 145 Views, 0 Votes |
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